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It would be because I did what she couldn’t.
Save them all.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“I never worry about the past or the future, the present is the most scary because how do you prepare for what you’re already going through? You can’t. You fucking can’t.” —King Campisi
Bella
Four days later
I hated funerals.
I told myself I wouldn’t cry—that I needed to be strong for my sister even if that meant all I did was feed Bam-Bam fruit snacks and hold his hand. He didn’t understand and kept looking up at me, asking where dad was.
I couldn’t get the words out.
I simply looked at him and shook my head, afraid I’d break, afraid I’d cry, and I knew Serena had already done as much as she could.
She was sitting still as a statue in between Phoenix and Bee. Her face was covered with black lace from her hat, but I could still see the fact that she’d already cried off all her makeup.
Every single one of the guys that got up to speak burst into tears. I’d never seen anything like it in my life, some of the toughest men in the world brought to their knees.
Undone.
The church was at capacity, loads of family flew in from Italy, New York, and Seattle. I recognized some of them, but hated making eye contact because it just meant they’d give me a sad smile or tell me that this was Family business.
It wasn’t though.
It wasn’t fair.
And it sure as hell wasn’t fair that Ivan sat still next to me like he wasn’t the one who held the knife. Nobody as much as blinked in his direction, people still gave him a head nod of respect.
I wanted to scream so bad—maybe even more than I wanted to cry.
By the time the funeral ended, I was still in the pew while people started to shuffle out to the reception.
I didn’t realize that my dad was standing next to me until he knelt down and grabbed Bam-Bam from me. “Bella—”
“Not now.” I barely got the words out, choked them out was more like it. “I can’t, not now.”
“We do need to discuss.”
“My brother is dead.” My voice was hollow. “So please forgive me for not wanting to talk right now, knowing that the person I’m spending the rest of my life with, according to your archaic rules, is the one who made it happen.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and held Bam-Bam closer to his chest. “At least do something with the girls tonight, the wedding is—”
“I know when the wedding is,” I whispered. “Is that all?”
“Bella—”
Ivan chose that perfect moment to come back from the bathroom or wherever the hell he had disappeared to.
Had Dad not been holding Bam-Bam. we would have had a brawl. I could see it in the way he stared Ivan down.
But Ivan didn’t seem phased at all. He simply smiled at my dad like they were best friends.
The nerve of the guy was truly remarkable.
