AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Coffee. Chris. Explanations.
I slithered out from the quilt, the worn floorboards soft and warm on the soles of my feet.
I loved all the seasons. There was something to celebrate, something to revel in during every month of the year, but I certainly relished that little convenience about summer.
I tugged a pair of leggings under my favorite Cramps t-shirt, knotting it at the waist so it didn’t swim right off me, and tied my hair back in a ponytail before brushing my teeth in the shared bath before sneaking downstairs.
Chris was waiting for me. Leaning against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed. He was giving me that look. The one I knew too well. It was the same look he always gave when I needed rescuing from somebody, which meant he’d seen through ourfarce. I just didn’t know how to tell him I hadn’t wanted it to be a farce.
“Not before coffee, Chris. It’s too early to be told my life choices are shit.”
“Coffee’s obviously the right choice this early in the morning. But that’s not at all what I was going to say.”
He was quiet for a while. The clock ticked.Were seconds usually this slow?
The water was overflowing the tea kettle. I stared out the window, half in need of caffeine and more rest—sleep was impossible, lying so close to Gus’s tense figure—and half dreading this conversation. Chris reached around me to turn the faucet off.
“Unless that’s what you need. Do you want me to call you out on something, Dec? What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“It’s been a while since anyone asked me that.” I lit the gas and started counting scoops of Eight o’Clock coffee I was adding to the French press.
“I don’t know. I feel like I’m in a huge ocean whirlpool some days. I’m staying afloat without having to flail too much to keep my head above water because it’s all just beginning, but sooner or later, it’s going to start moving so fast I’ll get sucked in, and there won’t be any way to prevent the drowning.”
“Well...” he looked at me with an eyebrow raised. “As long as everything’s fine.”
“I have no idea what I’m doing,” I groaned, folding at the waist to collapse my head and hands on the edge of the sink.
“I can’t tell you firsthand, but I don’t think anyone knows what they’re doing when they first get married.”
His words were helpful. Reassuring, even. He wasn’t asking for answers. He didn’t chastise. Was it possible he hadn’t seen through our ruse? Did Gus and I fake being in love that well?
“And you’ve never struck me as the matrimonial type, so you probably know even less what to do. Although I can’t say I’m not sorry I made that assumption. I always thought you and I would... Never mind. I’m sorry I—”
“I thought we might, too.” I said quietly, leaning back on the counter next to him.
He adjusted his glasses, biting his lip, nodding in resignation.
Chris and I had never been the right fit, except as friends. I’d always assumed he’d thought likewise. On paper, we were perfect, which was why we’d tried again and again. I figured one day, if he hadn’t found the right woman, or if the chemistry suddenly ramped up, we’d end up together for real.
The sex had always been good. He was a competent and giving partner, but something about it had just felt like a way to relieve tension; blind release after difficult cases, when he was between real girlfriends. I’d never felt the explosion of hormones with him, the surge of dopamine I got whenever I thought of Gus.
Once Chris started being honest with himself, I knew he’d see it, too.
He cleared his throat and pushed his glasses up. It was a thing he did when he was uncomfortable. “So, Father…what was it?”
“Constantinos.” I tried to say it like he did, with thedinstead of the lastt,and the roundOs. I wasn’t entirely terrible with languages, but Greek was kicking my ass.
“Is it—it must be—yourchurch too, now?“ He gave me a pointed look, filled with meaning I didn’t quite understand.
“Where are you going with this?”
He scratched his chin, the day-old stubble rasping as he talked more to himself than to me. “I’m guessing it’s a bit like the military. Can’t just pack up and move? Leave your congregation?”
“Why would we move?”
He exhaled loudly, dropping his chin to his chest. “There’s some news I was saving. Thought you’d be thrilled to hear it. Now, I’m not so sure.”
“What?”
