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I perched on his leg. Delicately, like a bird. Trying not to give him all of my weight.
“Come on. All the way.”
I sank down, letting his strong thighs bear my weight. I slipped closer, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me against his chest. I still wore my frothy, polyester lace gown withthe bateau neckline and tiny bows at my collarbones. Gus still wore his suit pants and a blue button-down, only having removed his jacket and tie. The skirt of my dress billowed out over us as I curled myself inside his protective shell.
“You look beautiful today. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that earlier.”
“Is it because I’m not wearing black? Because this is a onetime deal. Family heirloom and all,” I fluffed out my skirt a bit more.
“No. My little crow.“ His eyes danced as he said the word. “You look beautiful as my wife.”
My wife.Those words squeezed my heart.
It was a shocking twist of fate. Me. A wife.Hiswife. How much I wanted to lean into this role. Heat bloomed behind my eyes. I laid my head on his chest. Hopefully, he wouldn’t notice how deeply he affected me.
“Bite,” he instructed. I lifted my head as he brought a cake to my lips. “I won’t smash it.”
“You better not ruin my makeup.”
“The night is young. That remains to be seen.”
My eyes flicked to his, certain they’d find a hint of a joke in his expression. There was nothing but sincerity. Slowly, I leaned forward.
He watched me intently as I bit a crescent moon into the sticky sweet. I chewed slowly. It really was good. And really fucking sweet.
Then he finished the rest of the cake that he’d offered me, licking his fingers where the honey had touched before letting his head drop back to the chair.
A few minutes went by in companionable silence.
He was very good at ignoring the fact that there was supposed to be a fire blazing before us. Instead of watching the amber glow flickering in each other’s eyes, we stared into the brown dullnessof logs only illuminated by the yellow, insect-repelling patio light. It was another tally mark on the long list of things I loved about Gus.
I’d fully relaxed into him, and I never wanted to leave. I’d be happy spending the rest of our lives just like this. Not talking, just being together. We’d done this a lot when he was in seminary, only it was over the phone. We’d talk about something for a while, then he’d go back to writing or reading. I’d go back to working on something, neither of us willing to break even that meager connection by hanging up the phone. Why would we, when we could wait it out until we’d get to talking about something else soon enough?
Maybe all this time, that was the long-distance version of this. Just holding each other in the quiet darkness.
The new moon didn’t add any light to the patio. Here we were under the black of night. The stars for our ceiling. Sharing our honeymoon cakes in surprising, wedded bliss.
“I keep thinking about that kiss,” he said after a while. His statement snapped me from the haze of a sleep I hadn’t consented to.
When I didn’t respond, he tilted my chin up to meet his eyes. “Have you thought about it?”
I nodded.
“I didn’t know it would be like that between us. Did you... did you feel it, too? You had to have. I saw the look on your face after.”
I wanted to pretend I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I couldn’t. I nodded again.
“Decca. I’m going to kiss you now.”
Didn’t say anything. My breaths grew shallower as his hands reached up to my hair, twisting into my chignon that Bethany had craftedso perfectly.
Yes, Gus, wreck it. Ruin my hair. My perfect makeup. Rip my dress to shreds. I didn’t need it anymore. Kiss me. Ruin me. Fuck me. Do itnow.
I twisted around in his lap to better face him. His eyes glistened in the moonlight, looking at my eyes, first one, then the other. Down to my lips that were still stained red, even though my lipstick had worn off long ago, and I hadn’t bothered to reapply in the hopes that he’d do this.
I was a frustrating contradiction of wannabe slut with no idea what I actually wanted or how to ask for it. I just hoped Gus would see the whore that lurked deep within and claw it to the surface for me.
His kiss was feather light. Just a brush of his lips against mine. He pulled me away from him, peering down at my face.
