AllFreeNovel
Share Us
The world passes outside the window, but I pay it little attention. I stare at Jeremy, trying to read his mind. The car is still too quiet, heavy, like storm clouds waiting to unburden themselves with a downpour. I’m expecting something, but I don’t know what.
“Jere? Where are we going?” I catch a sign on the road and realise we’re driving further than just into town. In fact, we’ve already been driving for over an hour. “Jeremy?”
“I was planning on going to Tregethworth first.”
“Cornwall? Seriously!” I shriek.
“It’s a few hours’ drive. I’ll have you back tonight.” His brows draw down, but he doesn’t look at me, probably because he knows this is crazy.
“I said this afternoon, Jeremy,” I snap as I think about missing school. Every day counts right now, and my stomach lurches with a combination of worry and guilt. But I can’t deny the tiny little flutter in my heart at the gesture of whisking me off to our place.
That thought stays locked up, though. I don’t need to encourage him further about these crazy ideas.
The silence remains as we continue the drive. I run over the excuses I could try on Mum and fail to find anything original, so give up.
As we get closer to Tregethworth, I think about Jeremy and why he’s done this now. Right after the party, I could understand, and I wish he’d talk to me. Hopefully, this trip will give him the opportunity to do so.
We pull up, park down the road from Molly’s and walk into the diner.
We’re stiff and awkward around each other, not like either of us usually, and it grates on every nerve I have. We both order in a hurry and then sit and wait.
“Can we talk?” I ask, hoping for something.
“Not here. The jetty.” I nod. It makes sense. Molly’s is my place.
The last time we were here, I felt invincible, full of life and love. The epic love I’d always thought about was unfolding before my eyes, and yet now, one of my favourite places can’t offer me the comfort I desperately need.
After struggling through our food, we drive back to his place in the Cove. It at least makes me feel better, fortified to deal with whatever conversation is coming.
Avoiding the house, he leads me, hand in hand, through the garden and down the path to the jetty.
There’s a calmness here that shouldn’t be, like it’s protected somehow and shielded from the rest of the world. It always felt like this when we were here, as though it was our place, and nobody could touch us when we were here.
I sit down first, dangling my legs over the edge and swinging them back and forth, waiting.
“I’m messed up, Anna.” His voice is low and deep, and he’s still standing, talking out over the water like he’s confessing to the world and not just me. “I’m fucking raging, and I can’t stop it.” I hear the grit and the anger in the words as if he’s cross with the very syllables he speaks. “I’ve been staying here with Mum while Dad moves out because I never want to see him again.”
I turn around to look up at him, wanting to offer him comfort or encouragement — either or anything to help him. But he turns away.
“When I look at you, I just get so angry. Putting his hands on you like that. That’s all I see, and it makes me want to kill him all over again.” He balls his fists at his side, and I’m right back in the kitchen, watching the blood drip down his wrist.
“It’s okay.” But as soon as I say it, I regret it. It’s not okay. His father assaulted me, and now, it’s leaching into the rest of our relationship, making me powerless to control it, just like I was in that kitchen.
I take a breath and wait for Jeremy to speak. He just keeps pacing back and forth on the wooden slats.
“Does your mum know?” I ask. The thought of facing her makes me want to double over and hurl my guts up.
Finally, he comes to sit next to me, but he keeps his head forward. “Not the specifics. He’s never been faithful. It’s why Mum’s the way she is. He slept with my babysitter when I was a kid. There have been others as well. This place was Mum’s punishment for him, coming to Cornwall with us every year and forcing him to be on his best behaviour for at least a few weeks of the year — no business trips, late nights, or client meetings. Making everyone think we had the perfect life. It was a fucking sham.”
“I’m so sorry, Jeremy. I never knew. Well, I knew that your mum might have a problem, but not the rest.” My mind flashes back to when I was a little girl, running after my father in his car as he drove away.
What kind of a father would he have been if he stayed?
“She’s an addict, prescription drugs, alcohol, anything to block out the reality. She does a good job most of the time. This has hit her hard.”
I look out at the water, taking it all in, as the gnaw of guilt and shame sits in my gut.
Then, down at my side, his fingers brush with mine as if wanting to keep the connection between us small and secret. That innocent touch of contact is what I need to ground me — to make me feel like he’s in this with me and we’re not looking at this from other sides of the same mirror.
