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“I’ll be there in ten. Do you want me to stay on the phone?”
“No,” I croaked, the little bits of broken glass poking into the numb skin of my face. “I’ll wait.”
————
By the time Wade’s car pulled up to the front doors of the hospital, I’d managed to calm myself down significantly. My eyes were swollen, my nose and throat raw, but at least the tears had stopped.
I didn’t wait for him to get out. I yanked the passenger side door open and flopped down into the warm interior, placing my bag at my feet wordlessly. I wasn’t sure what to say to him nor was I sure I could actually talk.
He reached behind into the small back seat and grabbed something before placing it into my lap. “Which cemetery is it?” he asked.
I stared down at the black box, a far too familiar logo on the top of it.
He bought me a new fucking phone.
“Ray?”
I looked at him, my breath catching in my throat as his soft gaze met mine. Just the way he looked at me tempted a sob to break through and warmed my cheeks, daring me to say thank you. I hated that I wanted to do more than thank him.
“Columbia,” I managed.
He nodded and shifted into drive.
————
The flowers I placed on Dad’s grave were getting battered by the snow and likely wouldn’t make it to the end of the day but it didn’t matter. I’d made it, I’d said my words, I’d cried my tears.
Wade stood off to the side with enough distance between us so that I had privacy. The snow had seeped through my jeans while I was kneeling, and as I stood and brushed myself off, Wade stepped over to help me steady myself. “You okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry you got dragged into this.”
He shook his head. “Don’t apologize. Your dad meant a lot to you. I’m happy I could get you here.” His eyes stared straight ahead, locked on my father’s headstone as if it were hypnotizing. Adam Harleson. I knew the feeling.
“Thanks.” I sniffled and wiped my nose with the sleeve of my jacket, not even caring anymore if he saw. “He was… he was a great man. All he wanted to do was make people happy, you know? That was all. Mom, me, his friends, the people that he drove from place to place. It might sound silly?—”
“It’s not,” Wade said. “I get it. I can tell it isn’t simply love for a person that helped create you. You know why?”
I shook my head and looked up at him.
“Because if my dad died tomorrow, I don’t know if I’d cry. I don’t think I’d visit his grave every year.” His arm came around my shoulders, tugging me toward his side. “There would be a part of me that missed him, sure, but there wouldn’t be this all-consuming ache years after he was gone. He’d have to be a fucking incredible human being for me to feel that way and he just isn’t. And from the little bit you’ve told me about your father, it sounds like he’s worth the tears.”
I didn’t know what to say. There wasn’t a world I could imagine where Dad’s death hadn’t had the toll on me that it did, and maybe he was right—maybe that wasn’t just because he was my father, but because of who he was to me and to others. The backs of my eyes burned for the millionth time as I recognized that he saw that and that maybe, just maybe, Wade had been listening to me at the ice rink.
Why did he have to be such a rollercoaster?
“He signed me up for lessons,” I said, my voice barely louder than a whisper.
“What?”
“The question you asked me on the ice, why I was so good at skating. I didn’t answer you,” I clarified. “Dad signed me up when we could barely afford it. I wouldn’t shut up about how all my friends were taking figure skating lessons and it made my parents feel bad when they said no because I didn’t understand. He picked up an extra shift a week just to afford it.”
I could hear the breath in his chest slowly leave. I wanted to push myself into it, let his warmth envelop me the way I wanted to be held, but I knew damn well that was just the grief. When today was done, I’d be back to pushing him away. I knew it wasn’t healthy. It was heartbreak on a platinum platter. But just for today, I’d let myself.
He rested his chin on the top of my head and pulled me in just a little bit closer.
“We’ll stay as long as you need. Work can wait.”
————
