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There was a pause, neither of us knowing quite what to do next.
“All part of the service,” I blurted out, trying to end the silence between us. The second the words left my mouth I realised how bad they sounded. Like everything that happened today had been just a routine part of the job. Lennox realised it too; his face fell a little, and the smile he kept on his lips, faded from his eyes.
Guilt tugged at my guts. I didn’t know why I couldn’t just tell him that I liked him. Instead, it seemed as though it was something I was only capable of away from the ‘job’ side of the relationship between us.
“Goodnight, Tom,” he said softly with a sigh.
I took the hint that I had messed that up and nodded. “Good night,” I said in defeat. I turned to the door that connected our rooms, and with everything in me screaming to turn around and tell him how I really felt, I silently slipped through and closed the door behind me.
CHAPTER 12
LENNOX
The last two weeks had begun to feel like I was in a washing machine stuck on an endless spin cycle. First there was Natasha, and then there was Tom.
I kept thinking about his words last night. ‘Part of the service’ – is that really all he thought it was? He kissed me, more than once. We had a wonderful day together as just Tom and Lennox, not the bodyguard and the singer.
Yet, when it came to say goodnight, he brushed it all off with a throwaway comment. I could have sworn there was a flicker of regret on his face the second he said the words, but I was starting to doubt my ability to read anything with him. I thought there was attraction between us. That we had connected.
This was all too much to think about. I needed to escape it all for a while again. I pulled out my phone, googled parks, lakes–anything that was nearby and would allow me to get out of my own head for a while again. It was almost like everything that had been achieved by a day at the beach had been wiped out with a silly miscommunication.
I waited until the corridor was busy with housekeeping staff and slipped out. Covered by the cart full of cleaning supplies, I managed to avoid being seen by Levi and slipped into the back fire escape stairs. By the time I hit the street, I couldn’t wait to find a cab and just get away from everything that had me circling the idea of using my old crutch of booze.
I didn’t know how long it had been before I arrived at Jesmond Dene. There was a water course running through where an old mill had been and a small waterfall. I needed that serenity to bring me back to the calm necessary to see out the next few weeks. I just had to get through the tour, and I had never been more grateful that I had insisted on it being small and short.
After walking for what felt for miles, I finally found myself standing on a bridge in front of the waterfall. Behind me stood the ruins of the old mill, in front of me, the bubbling of water was already starting to soothe me. When I turned to try to get myself closer to the waterfall a familiar and unwelcome face greeted me.
“Lennox.”
“Natasha? What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked, battling to hide my panic.
“I just needed to see you.” The look on her face was so happy and peaceful. It was a stark contrast to the fear and panic that she so regularly put on mine. “You haven’t written to me in ages, and I just wanted to make sure that you were getting my gifts.”
Writing to her?
I had no idea what she was talking about. “Natasha, this really needs to stop.”
She smiled at me and I felt my stomach flip and the bile start to rise in my throat. “I know it does, and it will soon, because we’re going to be together, I promise. It’s just going to take a little more time.”
She went to take a step towards me, and I instinctively took a step back. “This isn’t right,” I warned her.
“I know it isn’t,” she started, but something she noticed over my shoulder seemed to distract her. “But it won’t be long now, I promise.”
Without warning she took off running, and when I turned around to see what it was that had caught her attention, I realised why. Tom was about twenty feet away, Levi with him. The latter was now sprinting in the direction Natasha had disappeared. The former was walking over to me, my relief to have him present hitting me like a tidal wave.
“How did you know where to find me?” I asked when he finally reached my side.
He held out his phone to show a map with two blue dots. “I enabled location sharing on your iPhone when you gave me your mobile that first night. As long as you have it with you, I can find you.” He put his hand into mine, and something in me settled in an instant from the contact. “What did she say?”
I furrowed my brow as I repeated the one thing that just hadn’t made sense to me. “She said I’d written to her. More specifically that I had stopped writing to her. I’ve never written to her in my life. I just don’t understand what the hell she was talking about.”
Tom squeezed my hand. “We will figure it out, I promise.” He must have noticed Levi before I did because his hand slipped from mine.
“She just fucking disappeared. There’s just too many different directions that she could take off in, and she’s a slippery little shit.”
Tom shook his head. “Very professional Levi, as always.”
I bit back a laugh and instead it came out as a snort.
