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I planned to meet his dad after the game, and the three of us would grab a drink somewhere. Em volunteered to watch her siblings so the two of them could make up. Again, I adored Em. She was so mature for her age.
The same bell chimed, and my brother walked in. He ran his hand through his hair, ruffling it before giving me a small smile. He held a green bag in one hand. His jaw flexed, and he waved, kinda awkwardly.
It was endearing.
“Hi, Auds.” He slid into the booth across from me. “How are you? You look great. Happy!”
I rolled my eyes at his overeagerness. “Thanks, but no need to come on that strong.”
He winced. “I’m-I didn’t mean to. I brought you something.”
“What? You didn’t have to do that.” Surprise colored my tone. He wasn’t a gift giver, at all. “I’m happy to see you.”
“I bought you books and coffee. I realize now you probably don’t have a grinder in your dorm. I can buy you one though, to make freshly ground coffee.” He ran a hand over his neck and glanced out the window. “I’ve been talking to Theo.” He paused, stared at me, and cleared his throat.
My stomach swooped. They’d talked about me? Did my brother know? Did I want him to? Theo and I hadn’t talked about this.
“I know you two are friends and have clinicals together. Anyway.” He waved his hand in the air. “I realized that I’ve been a shit brother for a while. I took advantage of your kindness and heart, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You held us together and shielded me from so much pain, I know that. I hate knowing I hurt you.”
I blinked, completely unsure how to feel about his confession. The knots in my gut untwisted as he said the words I’d dreamed of hearing. He seemed different. He didn’t carry the same egotistical aura I was accustomed to. There was no smug gleam in his eyes or bounce to his step. “Thanks for saying that.”
“I didn’t see it, and I think… this injury and our fight, it really taught me a lot. I’m nothing without hockey, and that’s fucked. I lashed out at people who care about my well-being and you.”
“What about your girlfriend or whatever?” I managed to ask without disdain. I was hiding Theo from him, so him keeping her secret wasn’t that scandalous. It hurt less knowing he might have reasons for the secrecy.
He closed his eyes. “We’re not really together. Mom… she sometimes comes to visit and always expects me to be dating. I don’t know why. It’s weird, but Kelly always pretends to be my date. I like her, but we’ve just been pals.”
The mention of our mom hurt. It was foolish to think Quentin would cut her off just cause I did, but hearing him say it so casually caused pain in my chest. “Mom comes to visit you? When? How often?”
He swallowed, and his attention flicked away from me.
“Quentin, we agreed to be honest if we’re going to try being friends instead of siblings.” I took a sip of my iced tea. “Answer me, please.”
He nodded, and a dark, sad look crossed his face. “I’ve seen her probably four times a year. At first, I asked if we should invite you, but she always said you were too busy and to leave you alone. I believed her.”
I chewed my lip. I’d never had my mom visit for anything the last four years. It was always, always about money. I’d ask her to come see us on campus, and she’d ask me to pay for her trip or if I could go see her instead. Every conversation made me feel insignificant. It hurt, so badly, because I remembered who she used to be, but grief changed people. I sniffed, a prickle forming in my eyes. “So you two have a good relationship.”
“I’m so fucking sorry, Auds. I don’t know why she did this. She’s made comments about not wanting to bother you, but she’s also said she’s ashamed that you’re a better parent. I think with what happened to dad, she took on the role of a sister and you the parent. She’s embarrassed.”
“And using me for money every week, even though I’m in school? Making me feel like shit? Telling me I had to pay for her if I wanted to see her? Demanding I send her checks to pay for bills or Dad would hate me?” Damn. I didn’t want to cry, but here I was, tears and all. I dabbed them with a napkin, and I thought about running. I could avoid this and run to Theo, who would hold me.
But I had to do this. I owed it to my brother. We’d hash this out and then, only then, I’d decide if it was worth it to work on our relationship.
“Don’t cry, I hate this. I didn’t know about the money. I had no idea. That is fucking horrible. I just… liked being her favorite, okay? You were Dad’s. And then you held it all together and were so good during everything. I was jealous, and knowing Mom liked me more, even for stupid reasons, felt good. I regret it?—”
“Held it all together?” I whispered. “Quentin, I’ve been a fucking mess. I don’t have friends. I study all the time and work my ass off to earn every penny to support you and Mom. If I don’t, then we don’t have food. This is?—”
“I fucking know.” Quentin squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to fix this, but I want to. I’ll do whatever you want. Please. I’ll cut Mom out. I won’t see her. I refuse to take a penny from you now, forever.”
Hearing him say those words was enough for me. The last knot in my chest loosened, and I found myself smiling. I could feel my dad’s approval as I said, “No, that’s not what I’m asking, Q. Mom needs you. She loves you. Don’t cut her off. She might lose her will to live.”
“But she’s been so horrible to you.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, but not to you.”
I rubbed my temples and noted my brother’s misery. He really seemed sad, sadder than I had seen before. “Why do you even want to fix this? Seriously.”
“Why?” He tilted his head.
