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Audrey
My favorite part about living on campus was the smell of the quad. The landscape always had fresh flowers, and the trees were a hundred years old. My dad and I used to find gardens to explore, where he’d bring a journal to write down the different plants we saw. I smiled as I walked by snapdragons. Before my father became sick, he’d always give me twenty dollars to pick my favorite flower, and we’d plant them in the backyard. Man, he’d be so proud of me entering my senior year of nursing school. Whenever life got hard, I’d think about his kind smile and reassuring hugs.
You can do hard things, Auds. With a brain like yours, nothing is impossible.
So much had changed since he passed. My mom sold our childhood home and moved a few hours away to heal. My brother Quentin and I both attended Central State and hung out once a week, but everything was complicated. I loved my family, but… the familiar weight grew behind my ribcage, making each breath harder than the last.
No. I shook away the stress. I couldn’t worry about it now. We were assigned a group project for one of our classes about community health, and we agreed to meet on a Monday night to begin. That was one thing I was adamant about: getting all As. I had to for my scholarship, and with the pressure of finances, I couldn’t lose a penny.
My team agreed to meet on the second floor of the library, and as I made my way to the stairs, my phone buzzed. Mom.
The same conflicting feelings went to war in my gut: dread and relief. Every time she called, I was glad she was still alive. But the dread… she needs more money. My throat closed as I stared at my phone. I could call her back later, but she’d just keep trying. It’d be better to get it over with now. “Hi, Mom.”
“I haven’t received any payment from you,” she barked out.
No hellos or how are yous or I missed yous. I swallowed the ball of emotion and clenched my fist to keep my fingers from shaking. “I sent you a hundred bucks last week.”
“That didn’t cover what I need.” She coughed, and it sounded gross.
“Are you sick, Mom?” My stomach bottomed out. One of the reasons I wanted to be a nurse was due to how many family members had gotten sick while I’d grown up. We spent a lot of time in hospitals with my grandma, aunt, then dad. I thought nurses were superheroes.
But hearing my mom cough made me go on high alert. “You should call a doctor.”
“That would require money, Audrey, obviously.”
“You have insurance though. With Dad’s life insurance policy…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. While I was grieving my father, I had to be the one in charge of everything. The funeral, the costs, the insurance… my mom gave up then, and four years later, nothing had changed.
“I still have some copay or something. Look, I know you’re studying or whatever, but when can you send more money?”
“I don’t know.” I squeezed my eyes shut, hating the guilt and anger twisting together into a tornado of emotions. “I can try to pick up more tutoring hours this week.”
“Do that. You don’t want your mom going hungry, do you? I always told your father you were selfish.”
Knife to the ribs.
“What? No, that’s—" I leaned against the stair railing, using it as support as my mom hung up. I’d gone through the cycle of feelings with her from anger to sadness to guilt to denial. But none of them mattered. The last thing my dad said to me was to make sure our family was okay. I was the only one strong enough to protect them, and every time my mom asked for money, I wondered if this was what my dad meant. I gave myself five seconds to be fucking angry at my mom, then I pushed the bitterness away. I stood taller, took a deep breath, and made eye contact with the last person I wanted to see. Theo Sanders.
The guy who could’ve ruined everything when he injured my brother on the ice last year. Quentin was here on a scholarship, and if he wasn’t healed soon, he could lose it. Guess who’d have to find a way to pay for his school? Me. I could barely afford life right now, so yeah, I hated Theo Sanders.
He stared at me from across the lobby, his brows furrowed, and I shook my head. No. I could only handle one emotional crisis at a time. My heart raced, and my palms sweated, but I found my way toward the table with the girls from my class.
“Hey, Auds,” Lily said, smiling at me before her grin fell. “You alright? You look stressed.”
I nodded. She was my closest friend in the program. We weren’t the happy-hour-type-friends, but we liked studying together and partnering up. “I’ll be okay. Sorry I’m late. My mom called.”
I sat next to Jessica, who stared at her laptop. She was not my favorite person in our cohort, but at least Lily was in the group.
“How are we going to develop a community outreach program about mental health? This should be a professional’s job.” Jessica chewed the end of her pen as she sighed. “Like we’re going to be able to make any difference with this when social media is the reason we’re all depressed.”
My eye twitched. I needed this project to go well.
“Don’t think like that.” Lily frowned. “It’s worth exploring, and we need this grade.”
“Being a realist?” Jessica rolled her eyes and cracked open an energy drink. The familiar smell of Red Bull filled the air as she guzzled it. I really didn’t like Jessica. She was obnoxious and careless about people around her. She slurped loudly before continuing, “We can do this bullshit assignment and pass. I don’t have time to dive into this. I don’t know where I’m placed for this semesters clinicals, but I better not have to drive far. Have you two heard anything yet?”
Lily shook her head, but her eyes lit up. “No. Professor Reid told us we’d hear tomorrow. I’m honestly so excited.”
