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“Good call. We'll see you in about twelve hours, I guess.”
“Stay safe and stay in touch!” I called out, trying to sound brave.
“I'll see you soon, babe, I promise,” he said before ending the call.
That truck stop is one of the few physical locations that we know for sure I was at before I lost my memory. As uncertain as the guys seemed, I felt confident that I could handle whatever pain might come. There is no telling when or if we’d get another chance. With the mounting danger and Bennet's life at stake, we would need whatever memories I could drudge up.
“We'll need to make it quick and be extra vigilant, maybe drive around first to make sure it's clear,” Lukas says seriously. Everyone nods and agrees, but the rest of the drive is silent.
My view of the passing landscape clouded, my eyes watery. Luis had his arm around me like he could keep me safe from my own overwhelming anxiety. Micah bounced his knee in the passenger seat. I watched as Lukas reached over and held his hand, lacing their fingers together. That minor act made me feel brave again because of the love I know we all share.
He's alive, Bennet is alive, he can't be dead. The mantra repeated over and over in my mind and I sent up a silent prayer to deities that I don't really believe in.
Please let him be okay.
The truck stop seemed pretty busy when we pulled in. Lukas circled the parking lot three times before we were all satisfied that there were no obvious threats, and then pulled up to a gas pump. As everyone climbed out, Lukas set the pump to top off the tank and we walked up to the main building.
Micah went inside to grab some road snacks while Luis volunteered to monitor the van and look out for anything suspicious. Lukas took my hand in his and let me lead him around the building. Nothing was striking me as particularly familiar except for what we’d seen in the CCTV footage.
I paused, looking around at our surroundings before letting go of Lukas' hand and walking towards the small fenced off area that held the dumpsters. Lukas followed close behind, there for support but giving me space.
Lost in thought, a haze of unreachable familiarity clouding my mind, I circled the dumpsters. My eyes caught on a small space between two of the dumpsters, my forehead wrinkling with something that wasn't quite a memory.
Walking out of the fenced space, we followed the same path we saw in the CCTV footage. There was nothing but brush and thick woods here. Stepping over the curb, we left the parking lot and stepped through the thick foliage.
My body walked an unfamiliar path, almost trancelike, as I plunged through the thicket of trees. The brush thinned as we walked farther into the woods, the tall trees spaced out enough that we could move easily. The sounds and smells of the truck stop were no longer obvious from this distance. Compared to the truck stop, the silence of the woods was almost deafening, only the whistles of birds chirping and the rustle of small animals scurrying away as our steps crunched through the overgrowth.
I felt numb, trudging ahead purely on instinct, as if my subconscious knew where to go. I walked until I came to a stop in front of a wide oak tree. My hand ran over the bark, not finding the importance of this tree but knowing somehow that it was significant. Pressing my forehead against the trunk, I let the abrasive texture of the bark rouse me from the hazy state that pulled me into these woods.
There’s nothing here. A feeling of loss and disappointment settled in my gut.
“Six,” Lukas called my name gently, pulling my attention to him. My gaze followed his to a small bundle laying at the base of the tree. Bending at the knees, he used a stick to lift a thin grey zip up hoodie, the same one I was wearing in the CCTV footage. It smelled terrible, having been left here in the heat and rain. The majority of the fabric was nearly blackened with old blood.
Numbness overtook me as I watched Lukas pull his phone out and snap a few pictures.
Putting the bundle back down, he stood and reached out for me, pulling my body into his chest as tears spilled over my cheeks. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight as I cried. Like he was holding me together. The frustration of seeing the physical evidence that I was here and still not being able to conjure any sort of clear memory was overwhelming me, making it harder to breathe.
We stayed like that for a while, wrapped in a tight embrace while I let out all the emotion of the day so far. My fear and anxiety, my frustration that my memories couldn't just magically return to me, all of it spilled from my body as sobs racked through me. My grief poured out, muffled in the fabric of Lukas' shirt. No other sounds but the wind rustling the branches and birds chirping around us, oblivious to the pain below.
My tears spent, I looked up at Lukas. Understanding the heaviness of my heart, he leaned down to kiss my tears before laying gentle kisses on my lips. Without another word, he took my hand and picked up the stick, the sweater hanging limp and rank as he led me back to the truck stop. We threw the sweater in the dumpster before heading back to the van.
Luis and Micah were waiting for us at the pump, curious but patient, as I gave them each a hug and a slow kiss before climbing back into the van. I wanted to let them know how thankful I was that they indulged in this pit stop, however fruitless it was.
Once we pulled back onto the highway, we filled them in on what we found. I vented my frustration of not understanding how I could walk through the woods to find a sweater and yet still not truly remember anything at all. The only thing accomplished by finding the sweater was confirming that I was there, which we already knew. It was a wasted effort, and we're no better off than we were before.
The road trip proceeded mostly in silence. I tried to play some of the puzzle games Bennet set up on the tablet, but the pressure in my head was making it difficult to concentrate.
Luis took pity on my obvious restlessness. “You know, it seems like a good sign that your brain is obviously processing some form of memory. It might not be happening the way you want it to, or as quickly as you want it to, but something is obviously working.”
“Maybe,” I shrugged. My head was pounding, the pressure increasing by the minute.
Perhaps mistaking my discomfort for sadness, Luis pulled me against his chest, tucking my head beneath his chin. Wearily, I sighed and leaned into him, closing my eyes.
Micah asked how I was feeling, so I admitted I had a bit of a headache. He talked me into taking one of the pain pills that we still have, since I haven't been taking them for days. Wanting to stay alert, I was going to decline, but the pounding worsened.
“It's going to be a long ride, and there's nothing any of us can do about anything right now. Take it and rest so you'll be ready to get to work when we get there, yeah?”
Taking the pill and swallowing it down with half a bottle of water, I settled in to try and rest my head.
