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He forced himself to pull back. Seeing her flushed face was worth it.
“I know I’ve told you that before. I’m almost too quick in the shower with you as the fantasy. And before you get ideas, it’s been more than satisfying for five years. I can handle waiting.”
Her mouth parted in what he imagined was a pant. Her tongue darted over her bottom lip again, not helping to cool his libido. “Can I watch?” she asked.
He almost creamed his pants. “Fuck, Bea,” he breathed out. His hands pulled her closer, until her knees hit his and he forced himself to stop. “Just imagining you watching me got me close.” He closed his eyes, but that made the image worse. Now he was the one panting. “Talk,” he forced out. “You said you wanted to talk. Stop distracting me.”
He loved her naughty giggle. “Am I distracting?”
His eyes opened, and he couldn’t keep himself from tasting her smile. It was a mistake. His lips clung to hers like a drowning man to the shore, and all he wanted was to devour her all over again.
He pulled back instead, resting his forehead against hers and brushing her nose with his. “You’re not one of many. Do you believe me?”
“Yes.” Her smile had faded, though. Her breath seemed to tremble as she pulled it in. “But you are trying to fix me, aren’t you?”
“No.” When she would have protested, he gave her a firm kiss. “Let me finish. You’re not broken, Bea.” When she would have pulled away, he held tight. “You’re not! Broken is like cracked. Flawed. You were hurt. God, were you hurt, and I want to be a safe place where you can heal from those injuries, but you are in no way flawed.” His hand lifted to her hair, and he let his fingers sift through the silky strands as he held her eyes, willing her to believe him.
“I’m not who I used to be.”
“Of course not. But, Bea…” He sighed. “Time changes everyone. Don’t tell me I’m exactly how I was five years ago.” He grimaced as he pulled back. “I was a cocky bastard back then.”
Her laugh was soft this time. “Cocky, that much is true, but never mean. I liked your confidence, even if you were a bit full of yourself.”
“It was all a front. I was the most insecure man around.” He sighed, his hand tightening in her hair. “My insecurity led to all this.”
“No,” Beatrice said, and her hand reached for him, cupping his cheek. “It played a part, but there were other parts being played. I don’t want you to feel guilty.” The way her eyes traced his face, like she was memorizing it, made his chest squeeze. “You’re saving me, Montrell.”
He hated the frown that returned to her brow. While he was debating whether to kiss her or push her back on the bed, she was busy thinking.
“You have a savior complex. But to call it a complex, there has to be more than just me.” And her eyes were searching.
Montrell sighed. “My mother.”
Her eyes widened.
“But don’t think you’re a stand-in for her. I don’t want to fuck my mother.” His words startled another small laugh out of her.
He wondered if his heart would ever stop noting each one, even after they became common again.
“I should hope not,” she was saying.
He stopped trying to resist and pulled her against him, laying them back down on the bed. “You should get comfortable. Talking about this might take some time.”
He hated dredging up the past, but her snuggling against his chest was the perfect reward.
He talked to her about it. About how, if Giulia hadn’t been around, he probably would have died before he was old enough to understand. His mother wasn’t very maternal. Her anger had been more volatile than even his father’s.
“She broke my arm the first time when I was four,” he murmured. “But I expected it.”
Beatrice’s arm tightened around his side. “Expected it?”
“I wasn’t the brightest kid, but I’d found the pattern. It was obvious, even at four. Whatever my father did to her, she did to me. It took longer than she wanted to break my arm, since one of hers was in a sling. It hurt her, but she was determined.”
Beatrice’s breath wobbled on her exhale.
“Don’t judge her too harshly. She was dealing with her own pain the only way she had found would help.”
“How can you not be angry?”
