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“Idiot.” Vespa’s grin was forced as she tilted her head and waggled her eyebrows. “Like either of us thought any different. You’ve always been a little dumb.”
He shook his head, but his eyes wouldn’t meet hers. “I scared her, didn’t I?”
“I don’t know about that. She was out there. In the hall.” She bent her head to catch his eye. “So if you did, it wasn’t permanent.”
“Okay.” He nodded his head. “Okay. Good.” His eyes shifted to hers. “Thanks, Ves.”
She blew out a breath. “What the hell are you thanking me for?” One of the splintered chairs slid into her foot, and she kicked it away. “Giulia told me not to help you clean up this mess.” She smiled again, and this one felt a bit more evil. “Please tell me she chewed your ass good.”
He barked out a surprised laugh and stood to start putting the room to rights.
Vespa rose to help him, despite Giulia’s threats.
She couldn’t keep up the teasing. Her mind kept spinning around what Giulia had said. She worked with Montrell to turn the table upright again, and after they did, her hands remained clenched around the edge.
“Giulia told me. That you freaked out like this once before.” She took a breath and forced herself to meet his eyes. “We’ve never talked about it. That’s my fault.”
He was the one who looked away. “You don’t have to, Vespa. I understand. I’ve always understood.” He crossed his arms. “And I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I—”
“No!” she snapped, and his mouth snapped shut. “You don’t get to do that. I don’t like it.” She stomped closer, reaching out and pinching his nose. Hard. “Fuck your guilt, Montrell. Where do you get off? Your father’s men attacking me wasn’t on you!” She released him to shove at his chest. “It wasn’t because of your inaction or whatever. You gave them the chance to show their true colors, and that was the right choice. You weren’t all cynical about them betraying you, and I fucking love that about you. You’ve got a big heart, and you need to stop tearing yourself up over it.”
“They hurt you.” His hands hung loosely at his sides. “Not just because of my choices. They wanted to tear you down to get at me.”
“But they didn’t.” She clenched her hands and lifted her eyes. “They didn’t rape me, Montrell.”
He stiffened. “You were naked when I found you.”
She nodded. “I was, but I had gotten that way voluntarily.”
He hesitated, as if not sure what to say.
“It made it worse somehow, which is stupid. I had a thing for one of them. I kind of thought you knew that. Being around Cesare made me act fucking giddy. It was ridiculous, looking back now. I even got all dressed up, heels and makeup and literally a dress, the whole shebang. I probably looked like a fool.”
Montrell shook his head. “Not possible.”
“Well, I was foolish anyway. I mean, the sex was good. We fucking tore each other’s clothes off, but in a sexy way, and I enjoyed the hell out of it. I came and everything.” It was adorable how that made her best friend blush.
Her hand moved to squeeze her bun. “That made me feel even more mind-fucked afterward, when it turned out he had invited all the others to watch.”
“Fucking hell,” Montrell muttered.
“Yeah,” she admitted. “He must have been laughing in his head while he fucked me. That’s the part that feels like shit. I still proved I was a badass that night. Sure, I wound up in the hospital, but a dozen of them attacked me while I was already fucking naked, and I killed every fucking one of them.” She bared her teeth at the thought. She’d been so panicked, she barely remembered the fight itself.
“You are a badass.” Montrell moved forward, his arms wrapping around her, and she realized her breathing had grown erratic. “You’ll always be one of the strongest people I know.”
She shook her head against his shirt, telling herself to pull away even as she burrowed in tighter. “But still,” she said, her voice muffled. “I remember being under Cesare and how much I loved it and how pathetic he must have thought I was, and that’s what fucks with me.”
“No, Vespa.” Montrell’s voice was gruff. “You are in no way pathetic.”
She pushed away, digging the heels of her hands into her eyes. There was no way she was tearing up. “Whatever. It gave me a complex is all. One I’ve tried not to think about, but that boils over into slut-shaming other women, which you called me out on, and which I’m ashamed of.” She bit her lip. “Sorry about that. You were right to call me on it.”
Montrell reached up to tug on his beard. “Ves, have you…” He tugged again, frowning in thought. “Have you, you know, with someone else?”
She blinked at him, surprised she could smile. “You can’t even say the word around me? I know you have trouble seeing me that way, Montrell, but we’re both adults. I might not be sexy, but—”
“You’re sexy, Vespa,” Montrell said, and he wasn’t blushing or stammering at all. He was glaring at her. “Don’t talk shit about yourself. You’re gorgeous as hell, and you know it.”
“Yeah,” she said, nodding. She did know she looked good.
