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Had anyone else ever been sad over the thought of losing him? His mother had been calm as she looked forward to being with God. His sister had loathed his existence and her own. Willow had wanted their connection severed all along.
Alina claimed she wanted to be closer, but the attempt had made her cry.
“I can’t,” Luka told her. He couldn’t do anything to hurt her. Anything else. His body had started to soften at the sight of her tears.
He would give anything to ease her emotions. His hand moved from her wrist to the edge of her hair, where the moisture from her tears dampened the strands. Her breathing changed, and her eyes closed as her face moved into his caress.
Every night he’d touched her the same way to soothe her nightmares. The idea that she’d been living one made his throat close.
There was one other touch that had become familiar from their nights together. If Alina woke up during the night, she kissed him. A gentle press of her lips against his. He no longer ran from it.
His gaze moved to her mouth. She’d always been the one to kiss him.
Before he could overthink or panic, he dropped his face toward hers and covered her lips with his own. Her eyes flew open to stare into his as he initiated a kiss for the first time.
It didn’t feel the same as when she kissed him. There was no phantom scrape of raking fingers or any pain at all. His lips moved, brushing against hers before settling again, and the tingles exploded. They shivered over his scalp and down his shoulders. Heat followed in the wake of the tingles, shooting straight to his groin.
He remembered he was naked as his erection reached for her. His lips clung as he tried to tell his body to lift away, to create more distance between them.
Her body uncurled from its protective huddle, her legs opening before wrapping around his waist, trying to bring him closer.
Where their skin touched, pain scraped through him, but heat flowed into the scrapes as well, and his erection grew harder. His body began to shake. It was time to pull away. To escape the confusion swirling inside him.
Except when his lips lifted from hers, she made a small sound of protest that automatically had them brushing over hers again to make it better. The protesting sound turned into a pleased hum that slid through him in a full body shudder.
He hadn’t kept track of her hands. They were free to settle on his ass. Her fingers dug into his flesh there, her grip tight on him as she pulled him to her. It was as if each digit carved divots into his flesh, and he cried out against her mouth at the stabbing pain.
She used her heels to lift herself and rub against him. The tip of his erection pressed into her heat, and an intense pleasure mixed with the pain. Luka’s mind sputtered. All he could focus on was the part of himself already inside her.
Her hands firmed, pulling on him as she thrust her body upward. Her head fell back with a cry of shock that mingled with his own as she pulled him inside of herself.
Where she touched him still felt like he was being stabbed with a blunt and rusty knife. The ache of it increased the offsetting pleasure in the way her body squeezed around him, causing him to pant as he tried to pull his mind back into the moment. His body was telling him to thrust into the pain and the heat. It was remembering what it had felt like to orgasm once before, but this time it would be connected to Alina.
Her name slid through him, helping his eyes to focus. He stared down into her face, tilted up toward his, her upper body bowed. She tried to hide against his chest. It hurt as well, her face pressing into his bare chest, but the pain was barely a blip with his body so intent on what was happening below.
She’d tried to hide her face, but he’d already seen. Her eyes had been squeezed shut, her brow furrowed, and she’d bitten her lip to not cry out in pain.
Taking him had hurt her. His body wanted to thrust into what she offered. His mind knew retreat was the better answer. Alina looked nothing like she’d looked when he’d thrust against her before. He tried to pull away, but her arms and legs tightened around him, keeping them connected.
“Alina.” Her name came out in a gasp.
“Not yet.” Her shivering had moved into her voice. “Not yet,” she repeated.
Luka hovered in indecision. Every part of him ached in different ways that his synapses were trying to make sense of.
He wanted to see her face. His gloved fingers slipped through the strands of her pale hair, hoping it would comfort her so that she would lift her head and tell him what to do.
Chapter 29
Alina hadn’t expected it to hurt with Luka. He’d kissed her, actually kissed her. It had been amazing, though she could barely remember the feeling now that she was pierced again.
Luka hadn’t hurt her. She’d done it to herself. There was a strange feeling of being in control of the pain that let her relax around the invasion even as her legs and hands tightened on him because Luka wanted to pull away.
“Not yet,” she said one more time. “Just a little longer. Please, Luka. I’m remembering other things, and it’s making it hard to think about you.” Her body throbbed under the memory of how another man had pounded into her. She drew in a breath. She could breathe. No one was squeezing her neck as he thrust and thrust.
No, Luka was so very still, except for the shaking of his body.
“My stupid hands.” They gripped him even as she tried to let go. But if she released him, he’d be gone. “You should have kept me locked up. That was the whole point. Now I’ve forced you, and I should feel guilty. That’s why it hurts, isn’t it?” She let her head fall away from his chest, needing to see if he hated her. She felt his hand in her hair, felt how her head trapped it against the mattress. “I should be punished, shouldn’t I? I’m hurting you so much, Luka, so it should hurt me too.”
