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“Absolutely.” I jump to my feet. “Oh my God. We should have a box for donations at the gym! People can donate food, jackets, gloves, and clothes. Do you have paper and a pen? I’ll get a list started. We’ll need signs and tubs to carry everything in. Maybe we can put an ad in the newspaper. I can make flyers and hang them around my campus. Oh, and we’ll need—”
TJ’s lips are on mine. I didn’t even see him stand. His hands weave through my hair, pulling me closer. It’s a soft, sweet kiss, and then it’s over.
I want to keep going, but he’s my boss at a job I desperately need. I can’t keep muddling the boundary lines. Why are we always two seconds away from kissing? There’s attraction, sure, but is that all that keeps drawing me to this man? Whenever we touch, all I want is more. But I don’t know if I can handle more.
I rest my forehead against his. “It’s getting late. I should go.”
He cups my face. “Stay with me tonight.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I don’t want you driving home this late.”
“I’m not that far.”
“I promise I’ll keep my hands to myself. I can sleep on the couch.”
“No. You’re not sleeping on the couch in your own apartment. I’ll go. It’s okay.”
“Carla.” I hear it in the way he says my name. Feel it in the way his hands tighten around my waist. See it in the way his eyes look into mine with nothing but sincerity.
It’s a plea.
And I succumb to it.
TJ loans me a gray T-shirt that reaches my knees. One whiff of his scent in the fabric and I’ve already made up my mind that he’ll never get this shirt back. It’s a shame, because he probably looks sexy as hell in it.
His warm body slips into bed and I curl around him, resting my cheek against his bare chest. I ask him to tell me a happy memory he has of his mother. He combs his fingers through my hair while he tells me, and I’m lulled to sleep by his smooth voice, in the safety of his arms.
It’s the first night I haven’t fallen asleep thinking about Joe or the miscarriage.
So much for not muddling the lines.
Chapter Twenty-Six
The Past
TJ
“Please sit down and try to relax.”
“Relax? You just told me you have cancer and you’re going to die—no, you’re choosing to die. How do you expect me to relax?”
Reggie drags his fingertips across his beard. “I knew you weren’t going to take this well.”
I stop pacing and whip around to face him. “Is there another way to take this? Any sane person would have the same reaction. You have cancer, but you’re not getting chemo. The doctors give you two months tops.” I tap my finger against my chin. “Don’t think there’s a happy reaction to this news.”
“Look, TJ. I know you’re scared—”
“Scared? Try fucking furious. How could you hide this from me? How could you not tell me? You always talk about staying away from situations that might trigger my old habits. Don’t you think death is a major fucking trigger?”
Reggie rubs his temples. “I know this is going to be difficult for you. But I am going to help you through it. You’re not going to fall off the wagon. Everything is going to be fine.”
“Everything is not going to be fine!” My voice cracks, throat trying to swallow around the boulder inside it. “You saved me. How can you turn your back on me like this? You always preach about fighting. Why aren’t you fighting? You’re just giving up. Throwing in the towel. That how it is now?”
“The doctors said the chemo would only prolong my life a little further. It wouldn’t cure me. And it would make those last few months miserable. I’d be sick and in pain. That’s not how I want to go out.”
Rage rips a fresh wound in my chest. I’m spiraling down a dark hole. The only person who had my back in this world is leaving me. I’m back to being alone. Back to a life with no purpose. No help. No love.
