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Woods knows how much it means to me to be able to buy something for him. Even if it’s just coffee.
“I don’t even know where to start,” he says, once we’re seated with our drinks. “I have so many questions.”
I inhale a deep breath and Carla squeezes my knee under the table. “I was so angry at you for so long. You were the only person I had back then. All I wanted was for you to say you’d take me in. I often think about how different my life would’ve been had I lived with you.”
“I’m so sorry, Thomas. I—”
“It’s TJ.”
“TJ. Of course.” Woods sips his coffee and for the first time, I can see how nervous he is. His hand trembles lifting the cup to his lips. His eyes dart between me and Carla, leg bouncing under the table. You’d never guess he was a badass detective.
“I wish you could know how hard I tried to fight for you to live with me. My wife and I were trying to have kids of our own at that time, and she didn’t think it was a good idea to take in a teenager. I tried, because I wanted you to be with me. I always did. I hated watching you go through the things you experienced with your father beating on your mom all those times I was called to your house. And I hated watching you continue to suffer in foster home after foster home. I wish there was something more I could’ve done.”
“I get it. I really do. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t your fault.” I avert my eyes from his, staring into my coffee as if it could give me strength for this conversation. “I blamed you when I should’ve blamed myself.”
Woods shakes his head. “No. You didn’t ask for that life. You didn’t do anything to deserve it.”
“I know that now,” I say. “But I made some poor choices. I chose heroin and whiskey. I chose to let my anger rule my life. I got mixed up with the wrong people.”
“What happened after you walked out of the precinct that day? Where did you go?”
Now I’m the one overcome with nerves. I’m embarrassed to tell Woods the truth. Embarrassed of myself. But I tell him everything.
Carla wipes her eyes several times as I recount my life, and soon enough I’m handing napkins to Woods too.
“I’m sorry about Reggie,” Woods says.
“Me too.”
“You know, I checked every hospital and obituary. Not a day went by without wondering where you were. I always hoped to run into you on the street. Always hoped you were doing better.”
Carla rests her head on my shoulder. “He is doing so much better than you can imagine.”
“I can see that,” Woods says with a smile. “He seems lucky to have someone like you in his life.”
I gaze down at her just to watch the blush creep onto her cheeks. “What about you? How’s your wife?”
“She’s well.” His eyes drop to the table. “We had our son a year after I last saw you.”
“Congratulations. That’s great news.”
His eyes flick back up to mine. “Named him Thomas.”
“You did?”
Carla’s reaching for a napkin again.
“I’m proud of you, kid. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help shape you into the man you are now. I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person for you.”
“I forgive you,” I say, choking back tears. “And I hope you can forgive me.”
“You know I do.” His smile falls. “And I know you don’t like to talk about him, but I am sorry about your father. He did an awful thing, but I know what it feels like to lose both your parents, and it isn’t easy.”
Carla sits up ramrod straight. “What are you talking about?”
His eyes narrow. “Your father … you don’t know?”
I shake my head. “Know what?”
