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I leave Edward with Nana, and flee to my house. I submerge my aching body in the scalding water of the tub. But even in the safety of my solitude, the weight of my own thoughts is too much to bear. My defenses crumble, and everything I’ve been holding in comes pouring out like a flood. Sobs rack my body, my back hunched, while I cover my face with my hands.
I cry for the life I once had.
I cry for the poor choice I made that changed my life forever when I decided to get into a bar fight.
I cry for everything I’ve lost.
I cry for my uncertain future.
And I cry for the beautiful soul who took my heart with her when she left—the incredible woman who I’m too afraid to love.
Sometimes, fear can be more debilitating than anything.
“Dude, you look like shit.”
I groan as I glance at the door. “What the hell are you guys doing here?”
Anthony flashes me his signature grin, and frames his face with his hands. “Don’t act like you aren’t happy to see this face.”
Watson rolls his eyes. “Yeah, because your ugly mug is going to make him feel better.”
Bentley walks up behind me and grips my neck. “Nana called us, and told us what’s going on. How you hangin’ in there?”
“I’m fine, guys. It’s not that big of a deal. You didn’t have to come out all this way just to check on me.”
Watson snatches an apple from the fruit bowl in the middle of the island, and tosses it in the air before catching it and taking a bite. “Nana said Charly hasn’t returned any of your calls in over a week.”
“Are you surprised?” Anthony shakes his head at me. “You fucked up, bro.”
Bentley smacks the back of his head. “Not helping.”
“He needs to hear the truth.”
Watson talks around the wad of chewed-up apple in his mouth. “Ignore him. You can’t take relationship advice from a man who has never been in a relationship.”
I shake my head. “Anthony’s right. I fucked up.”
Anthony raises an eyebrow. “So, what did you do?”
I place my palms on the counter. “I told her we should end things between us because one day she’d come to resent me for my disability like everyone else.”
Bentley winces, and Watson blows out a low whistle.
Anthony laughs. “I’ve never had a girlfriend, but even I know you never compare a woman to anyone else. And you sure as shit don’t tell her what she wants. You’re lucky she didn’t chop your dick off.”
Bentley crosses his arms over his chest. “Is that how you think people feel about your disability? You think we resent you for it?”
“Over time, it wears on you. The things I can’t do, the constant pain I’m in. If it wears on me, it’s gotta wear on a partner.” I hike a shoulder. “My abilities are limited, and I’ve accepted that. But someone else—someone like Charly—she doesn’t have to.”
“So, instead of letting her decide what kind of life she wants, you made the choice for her.” Bentley nods. “I can see why she’s upset.”
Watson’s eyebrows pull together. “What is it you think she’s going to resent you for? What do you think she’s going to want from you that you can’t give her?”
Anthony’s eyes go wide. “Oh, shit. Is your dick broken? I know you were paralyzed for a while, but I thought your junk was okay.”
Watson and Bentley give him simultaneous smacks on the back of his head.
“My dick isn’t broken, but thanks for your concern.”
