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She throws me a wink as she leans forward, and turns on the water in the tub. She busies herself getting me a towel and a washcloth, pretending not to notice while I push my shorts and boxers down my legs. I gnash my teeth as I lift my leg to step into the tub, and brace myself with the metal handle along the wall that I installed for times like this.
Charly cups her hand under my arm, and helps me lower myself into the hot water. It’s awkward, and I land with a splash, but once I’m in, the heat soothes my aches.
Charly sits on the floor beside the tub, chewing on her lower lip. “I’m sorry about this.”
“What do you have to be sorry for?”
“If you didn’t take me camping, then this wouldn’t be happening.”
“This would happen whether or not I went camping, Charly.”
“Would it?”
I nod, sinking further into the tub. “Sometimes, I wake up like this because I slept wrong. Doesn’t have to be set off by a major strain.” I glance at her. “Please don’t regret the amazing weekend we had.”
“I don’t.” She cups her hands under the water, and then pours it over my head. “I just feel bad that you’re in pain.”
I close my eyes, letting my head fall back against the edge of the tub as she massages shampoo into my scalp. “I get that people don’t want to see me like this. I get that me being paralyzed was scary for them. I get that being in a wheel chair was an inconvenience for them. But this isn’t about anyone else. I’m the one who has to live in this body, day in and day out, and I had to learn how to make the best out of what happened to me. But it’s that much harder when the people you know start treating you like you’re someone else.” I point to my chest. “I’m still the same person in here.”
She rinses my hair, listening while I speak. Then she presses her hand on my chest, and my heart beats against her palm. “I see who you are, Bryce.”
And she does. She sees me, without football, with my cane, with overgrown hair, and a grumpy demeanor. When those green eyes look at me, she sees past it all.
It’s terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.
I grip her wrist. “Come in the tub with me.”
Without hesitation, she stands, and shimmies out of her clothes. As much as it kills me to turn away, this is new and I don’t know how fast she wants to take things. I press the silver button to turn on the jets, and fizzing bubbles shoot out from the sides of the tub.
Charly steps in, and lowers herself in front of me. My arms wrap around her as she lays back against my chest.
“This is heaven.”
I press a kiss to the top of her head.
“What you said about people treating you differently ... I think I did the same thing to my mom. I became obsessed with cancer, researching, and trying everything I could to fix her. To make her better. But I think I sucked the life out of her. I made it all about cancer, and not enough about her.” The corners of her lips pull downward. “She probably hated that.”
“I’m sure she knew how much you loved her. She probably wanted to get better for you more than anything.”
“She did. That last night before she died, she kept apologizing. She said she was sorry for leaving me, like it was her fault.”
I smooth my hands down her arms, linking our fingers together under the surface of the water. “Sounds like someone I know, apologizing for things that aren’t her fault.”
She lets out a soft laugh. “Now you know where I get it from.”
“That’s my favorite thing about you.”
“What is?”
“Your heart.”
She half-turns to look at me over her shoulder. “That’s my favorite thing about you too.”
“Did you think I had a heart when you wrote about Beatrice’s ass of a grandson in your journal?”
Her eyes narrow. “You said you only read one page.”
“Well, I skimmed the first page before I flipped to the last one you’d written.”
