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No. That can’t happen.
I shake the image from my mind, and head to the bathroom to rinse off the chlorine in an ice-cold shower.
Only later as I’m lying in bed does it dawn on me: Charly didn’t pry when I told her I had an accident. She didn’t ask for more information than I gave. I should be thrilled that I didn’t have to tell her.
But it doesn’t change the terrifying fact that I want to.
Charly
“She’ll take a pair of these in black, and those in white.”
I chew the inside of my cheek. “Uh, Beatrice, I can’t afford both.”
She waves me away with a dismissive hand. “This shopping spree is on me.”
“No, no. I never agreed to that. You don’t have to pay for me.”
“I know I don’t have to. I want to. I feel terrible about your room not being ready.” She turns to me, and grips my forearms. “Plus, I’ve always wanted a granddaughter, and I have no one to spoil. I love my boy, but he wouldn’t look half as good in these shoes as you would. Let me do this for you.”
I stifle a laugh at the thought of Bryce in heels. “Fine. Just this once.”
“Fabulous.” Beatrice spins around, and grabs two dresses off the rack next to us. “You’ll try these on, too.”
“I’m going to start calling you Mr. Lewis.”
She cackles. “I lovePretty Woman.”
“Me too. My mom and I used to watch it all the time.”
Beatrice hugs me to her side. “I wish I could’ve met her.”
“Me too.” Sadness tugs on my spirit, so I change the subject. “Bryce mentioned he was in an accident. I saw the scar on his back when he was by the pool last night.”
She nods, and runs her fingers over a silk blouse, studying it. “The doctors weren’t sure he’d ever walk again.”
I swallow down the questions I’m dying to learn the answers to. I want to know more about Bryce. About who he is, about what he’s been through. But I should do that through him, and not talking about him behind his back.
Instead, I say, “That must’ve been so scary for you, and for him.”
“Life didn’t turn out the way he planned. Life rarely does. The best laid plans of mice and men, you know the saying. But over time, he was able to cope with that. I think it was his inner circle who let him down most of all.” Beatrice holds up a pair of earrings to see if they match the blouse. “He thought certain people would stay by his side. But they treated him differently. It wasn’t the same, and he was disappointed. He lost a lot more than his mobility.”
Understanding clicks into place. “Their friendship was conditional.”
“Exactly.”
I can’t imagine leaving a friend when times get hard. But I’ve been on the receiving end of friendships like that. Relationships too.
“When I was with my ex, I wanted to hear that it was okay to be sad, that it was okay to mourn the loss of my mother. When we got the news that the cancer came back, and she only had a year left on this earth, I felt so broken. All I wanted was for Greg to hold all of my broken pieces together, and tell me that he would hold me for as long as I needed him to. That it was okay to not be okay. I wanted him to be there for me when I needed him most.” I shake my head. “But he didn’t.”
Beatrice drapes another dress over her arm. “Not everyone can step up and be who we need them to be.”
“He cheated on me, and I didn’t even feel upset.” I chuckle. “Sounds so screwed up when I say it out loud.”
“He wasn’t the one for you, my dear. Simple as that. When it’s the right person, he’ll be here to stay. That’s what I keep telling my grandson, but he’s a bit jaded. I hope he won’t always keep that wall up around his heart.” Beatrice winks. “I suppose it’ll take the right one to knock it down.”
Hope spikes in my veins at the thought of finding someone who can be who I need him to be. I want to keep my mind open to the possibilities. The kind of possibilities Mom didn’t get after Dad left. Part of living my life to the fullest for Mom is falling in love, and I need to believe that it’ll happen. But doubt creeps in, and rears its ugly head.
“I’ve never pictured myself married. Definitely not as a mother. Maybe I used to when I was a kid, but once Mom got cancer, I couldn’t picture what my future would look like.”
