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TJ covered his glass. “You’ve had enough to drink.”
I waved my hand to summon the bartender. “I’m just getting started.”
I heard TJ’s sigh of disappointment over the music. “I really don’t feel like taking your drunk ass home again. Why don’t you quit while you’re ahead?”
“I never asked for your help.” I was slurring. Even I could hear it, and I was drunk.
“You know I can’t let you drive like this. When is enough going to be enough for you? Drinking isn’t going to bring your dad back, you know.”
I glared at him.
“It’s the truth. You need to hear it.”
I tried to flag down the bartender again, but she continued to ignore me. “I’m sick of the truth. The truth hurts too much. I’m no good for her. I can’t protect her.” I covered my face with my hands. “I can’t lose her.”
“You’re going to lose her if you keep acting like this. You’re a fucking mess. You need to get your shit together.”
The bartender handed a beer to the man standing next to TJ’s stool.
“Hey, what the fuck? I’ve been waiting for another drink for ten minutes!” I shouted angrily.
“She’s cutting you off, bro. Take the hint,” the stranger shouted back at me.
I stood, swaying as I tried to balance myself on my own two feet. “Why don’t you mind your own fucking business?”
TJ put his hand up, signaling for the man to back off. “He’s not worth it. He’s wasted.”
The man shook his head at me before he turned and disappeared into the crowd.
“I’m not breaking up another one of your pointless fights,” TJ said. “I’m also not paying your tab. You should be paying me to sit here and listen to this pathetic bullshit.”
“Fuck you,” I grumbled as I slumped back onto my seat. “What’s the point of it all? We try and we try, but nothing is in our control. Dad died. He died and I couldn’t stop it. I have no control over anything. If the same thing happens to Charlotte, I’m useless. I can’t help her. I can’t save her. The way Mom lost Dad? All those years together, and now what? She’s all alone.” I rambled on and on, spewing my pain and sorrows to TJ.
“Death is a scary thing, man. I get it,” TJ said. “But you can’t stop yourself from having a life just because you’re afraid of what it will bring. You can’t let fear rule you. Fear isn’t real. It’s all in your head. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can heal.”
TJ was right about one thing—the fear was in my head. It had taken command, and was now running the show. Every thought I had, every move I made from here on out would be controlled by fear. Fear had taken all of my love, joy, and hope and tossed them into the dumpster. I had nothing left. Fear had completely numbed my heart. I was now empty inside.
Charlotte
“Get up and get dressed. We’re going out!”
I let out a frustrated sigh. “Mal, I really don’t feel like going out tonight.”
“It’s been two weeks. I want my friend back. There’s nothing you can do right now. You need to get your mind off him for a little while.”
A loud, crowded bar would hardly help get my mind off of Tanner. Admittedly, I couldn’t take another night of sitting in my room and wondering if he was going to call. If he would ever call. My heart was breaking—for him, and because of him, all at the same time.
“So get dressed, or I’m coming in there to get you dressed!”
I stared at the phone after she ended the call. I had no doubt that she would live up to her word, so I quickly swung my legs out of bed.
Big Nose Kate’s was filled with the usual crowd for a Friday night. No bands were on tonight, so the DJ’s dance music played straight through. Mallory bought the first round of drinks and then dragged me onto the dance floor.
“You could not look more miserable right now,” she shouted in my ear.
“I’m sorry. I just want him to call me.”
“I know you do. This will all blow over. You’ll see.”
