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I need to get out. It’s still too cold for a run, so I grab my truck keys and head into town. I drive aimlessly around the square, past the bakery and boutique. For once, I’m not feeling the pride I normally do in my friends’ businesses, just this odd restlessness. I’m paused at a stop sign when a knock sounds on my passenger window.
It’s Kaiden, and of course he’s dressed in a three-piece on a Saturday. I roll down the window. “You want to grab a drink?” he asks. I shake my head, but he doesn’t take that as an answer. “I walked right in front of your truck and waved,” he tells me. “You didn’t even see me. Something’s on your mind.” I nod. He knows me well enough to know something’s off. “Lucius tells me there’s a great dive-bar around the corner.”
“Sam’s. I know it. It’s definitely a dive.” I say. “Hop in before you get frostbite.” I drive us down the block and park around the corner, a few spots from the end where I can see the bar sign. “Where were you headed?” I ask.
“I put in a few hours at the office since Cami has a big order going out, and I was walking over to Cloud Nine. I was going to harass her into closing early, so she isn’t expecting me until later.”
We head into the dark bar, getting looks from several of the patrons. “Patrons.” That’s a gracious word in this place. If there’s such a thing as a rough crowd in our small town, that element is here. But Sam runs a tight ship. He doesn’t put up with any bullshit, and his balls-buster bouncer makes sure there isn’t any drama. If you’re at Sam’s, you’re there to drink, and that’s the end of it.
Sam is wiping spots off glasses fresh out of the dishwasher but looks up as we walk in. “Haven’t seen you in a while, James.”
“Yeah, it’s been a bit, Sam.”
“Amato.” He gives Kaiden a head nod. Kaiden doesn’t even react to Sam knowing his name. He just nods back, taking it in stride. Slick m-effer. I admire that about him.
“What are you drinking today, gents? I got in a Balvenie, French Oak?” Sam remembers I have a taste for scotch, and I tell him I’m happy to have it.
“Segretario?” Kaiden’s request isn’t one I recognize, but Sam clearly does.
He scoffs. “Rule breaker, eh? How ‘bout the 1792 12 year? Won World’s Best this year for bourbons.”
Kaiden agrees with another nod.
We take our drinks to an open booth on the side of the empty dance floor. Kaiden takes in the room. “Luce said Sam’s had some class under the grunge. I like it.”
He looks across the table at me. “Now. Tell me about her.”
I’m startled, and I guess he sees it. “It’s always a woman.” He chuckles a little.
I tell him the story of Rusty leading me to Lorelai, her injuries, how I read between the lines when she talked about her childhood. I told him how shitty I feel about the age difference.
“There’s sixteen freaking years between us!” I exclaim when he gives me the “age is just a number speech”. “That’s more than double the span between you and Cami.”
“Well, it sounds like it isn’t such a big gap if one accounts for her life experiences,” he tells me. “Growing up like you say she did ages a person. Also, she was a willing participant, James. You said you turned her down twice. No one can judge you for allowing some mutual pleasure.”
“I know,” I say with my head in my hands. “It was more than that, though. I couldn’t stay professional. As my boss, shouldn’t you have a problem with that?”
“You were on vacation, not on a job.” Kaiden reminds me softly.
“That’s another thing. I went for peace and quiet, to rest my mind. I wasn’t even annoyed that she was basically crashing my vacation! She...” I broke off, trying to think of the right word. “Fit. She fit. Where I left off, she picked up. Everything I started, she made better.
Even when I acted like an asshole, she waited me out. Then she took my apology at face value, and just let it go instead of arguing about it or blaming me.”
Damn, I’m a mess! It wasn’t enough to perv-out over her tiny body that should have been lithe and athletic, but somehow had curves everywhere. I also had to go and fall for her quiet acceptance, her strength in the face of all that had happened to her. I down the rest of my drink all at once.
“Those don’t sound like negatives.” Kaiden speaks softly once again. “You have chemistry and coordination.”
“You’re right.” I tell him, accepting it with a grudge in my voice. “She knows how to find fun, and she appreciates the small things.”
“Again. Positives. When are you seeing her again?”
“I’m not.” I rub my face with both hands.
“You’re beating yourself up a hell of a lot over a woman you aren’t going to see again. Why won’t you?” Kaiden’s voice is level, balancing out the emotional state I’ve worked myself into.
“I didn’t get her last name or her number or anything. I dropped her in front of a bus station, and she didn’t even know where she was heading. There’s no way to find her.”
“Damn,” Kaiden curses and is quiet for a second. Then he asks, “Do you have a picture?”
