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"What is that?"
He pushes his fork into the rice and lifts his head to look at me. His eyes are a mirror of Aria's, except he's missing the freckles. "That it isn't good."
I let out a sigh and grab one of the stools, carrying it over to the side I'm standing at before I sit down. Austin pushes the other container across the island for me and hands me a fork. We sit across from each other the awkward silence wrapping itself around us as one of us waits for the other to speak. I don't know where the hell to begin, but I'm going to have to start somewhere. I just need to rip off the Band-Aid and get it over with.
After swallowing a mouthful of food, I grab the two glasses and pour the whiskey into them before handing one to Austin. I take a slow sip and set my glass back down. "I fucked things up with your sister."
Austin pauses mid-chew before beginning again. "Professionally or personally?"
"Personally," I admit as I push some of my rice around in the Styrofoam container. "Things are going really well with skating, so there's no concern there."
"Okay," he nods as he lifts his own glass to his lips and swallows some of the burning liquid. "What happened then?"
Rolling my lips between my teeth, I pause. Now is when I need to think before I speak. I don't know how much to tell him because I don't want to piss him off or anything like that.
Austin interrupts my thoughts and it's as if he can read my mind. "Pretend she's not my sister."
"That's easier said than done," I tell him with a nervous laugh as I adjust in my seat. "I don't know where to start."
"At the beginning, maybe?" he offers, although it comes out more like a question.
I want to be honest with him. I want to tell him everything because I've been sitting on all of these feelings by myself for so fucking long.
"Promise you won't punch me in the face if I do that?"
Austin chuckles and shakes his head. "No dice."
I shrug. It was worth a try. Tilting my head back, I take a deep breath before I straighten my spine and look back at my best friend. "I had a crush on her in high school, but after she started dating Griffin, it transformed into hate."
Austin raises his eyebrows at me but then his face goes back to a neutral expression as he waits for me to continue. He doesn't know about that night we skated together. He knew I didn't like her back then, mainly because of Griffin, but he never knew there was more to it. He doesn't need to know the specifics.
"It started after we started skating together," I tell him, leaving out the part where we almost had sex a few months prior to that. "I struggled for a long time with my attraction to her while also trying to convince myself and everyone around me that I didn't like her. It was easier to hate her because those feelings are easier for me to deal with. All of this confusion is much worse."
He stares at me for a moment, his expression revealing nothing. He has an excellent poker face and I'm slightly envious of it. His fork is resting in his container of food and he takes another sip of his drink. "I don't think anyone likes feelings when they are uncomfortable."
I shake my head, agreeing with him. "I'm sure you can imagine that we've gotten closer given the nature of our working relationship. It's hard to not have the tension and emotion bleed into regular life. The first time we skated together, we were both so caught up in the moment that I almost kissed her. After that, I tried to keep her at arm’s length and failed miserably."
"Did you sleep with her?"
Fuck. There is the question I was hoping he wasn't going to ask.
"Yes."
The muscle in his jaw twitches and he nods. "So, what happened that has you all fucked up right now?"
"She came over last night, and then this morning it all went to shit. I went to the bathroom and thought she had left, but I found her out on my deck. I went out to her and stupidly told her I wouldn't blame her if she left because I don't know what I'm doing right now." I pause and shake my head, feeling the defeat in my muscles. "I told her that things like this don't last."
Austin's face is still blank and he tilts his head to the side as he assesses me. "Do you actually believe that?"
"I did," I say quietly as I mull over his question, letting it sink into my bones. "I don't know now. I want to believe that good things do last."
"They do," he assures me before he drains the rest of the liquor from his glass. He reaches across the counter and grabs the bottle of whiskey and refills it. "If it's the right person and the right time, I truly believe they do."
"Well, she fucking bolted after I said all that to her." I let out a frustrated, contradicting laugh. "She told me she wanted more, assumed I didn't want the same, and then told me she needs space. I told her I know what I want and that it's her, and then she shut down."
Austin purses his lips. "So, you both spent all morning sending each other mixed signals and pushing one another a way." A smile lifts the corners of his mouth as he rolls his eyes. "You two really are made for each other."
"Fuck you, Reed." I chuckle as I give him the middle finger and throw a grain of rice at him. Our laughter trails off and the silence returns again. I hate it. "I don't know what to do, man."
