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My eyes slowly search her face before settling back on hers. "You don't have to apologize, Ari. Believe it or not, I understand." I take a deep breath, exhaling before I start to talk again. "We're both under a lot of pressure right now, but stress is never good for anyone. You know as well as anyone else that in this sport, your physical health isn't the only thing that is important. Your mental health is equally as important."
"My mental health is fine," she tells me, her voice a bit clipped. "It was just a moment I was having."
Her guard is up and there's no breaching the walls right now. I don't want to piss her off any more, so I simply nod. "I wasn't saying your mental health is not good. I just don't want to see your need for things to be perfect to be an added stressor."
Aria chokes out a laugh as someone walks up to our table with our drinks and food. Aria ordered a garden salad and I got a cup of soup and half a sandwich. She waits until the girl disappears from our table before she starts to talk again. "That's easier said than done." She pauses for a moment and takes a sip of her drink before her eyes search mine. Vulnerability etches itself in her facial features. "What if I don't know how to not be perfect?"
Hearing her ask that question has my chest and throat tightening. I don't like how it feels. I don't like the way her eyes are glossier than normal. I shouldn't care—I can't care. Aria is in my life for one reason and one reason only—so we can win.
But I can't not help her, not when she's looking at me like that with those big gray eyes.
Goddamn her. I'm not supposed to like her. I'm not supposed to be growing soft for her.
"No one is perfect, Aria. We all have flaws and we all fuck up from time to time." I pause, trying to search for the right words. I don't know how to respond to her question because I don't have the magic answer for her. "You can't live your life under the assumption that you have to be perfect in every aspect of your life. All it will do is bring you disappointment. It will destroy you over time."
"I don't know how to be okay with that," she admits, her voice barely audible. "I am my biggest critic. No one is harder on me than myself."
I may not be a perfectionist like she is, but I used to be the same way. When it came to skating, if I didn't perform well, I would literally beat myself up for it. Especially that time I fell and Griffin won. I snuck into the rink that night and skated for hours, practicing the same jump over and over until I eventually threw up. As I got older, I realized this wasn't healthy and it wasn't benefiting me at all. It wasn't a change that happened overnight, but I learned that we all make mistakes and there is no sense in harping on them. All we can do is do better the next time.
That didn't always apply to competitions, but that was a different beast. I still allowed myself to be frustrated if I fucked up during a competition, but eventually I would move on from it. I had to.
"We are all our biggest critics, but if you can quiet that voice a little bit, you'll be able to see how good you actually are."
Her lips part and she quickly clamps them shut before ducking her head again. Her expression is unreadable when she looks back up at me. She takes a deep breath, exhaling it slowly as she nods. "Thank you, Leo." A nervous laugh escapes her. "I didn't know you could be this nice to people."
The corners of my mouth twitch and I blow air out through my nose. "This moment is just a glitch in the matrix. Don't get used to it."
Aria's face is bright as she smiles at me and laughs more comfortably. The sound is like music to my ears and I want to hear it on repeat, playing just for me. "Noted."
"I'm going to be bold here for a second," I tell her as I finally pick up my spoon and slide it into my soup. The liquid sloshes along the sides of the cup but it doesn't spill out. "I promise you we will get in sync before the competition. We will get our routine down and we will skate better than any other pair there."
"You really think so?" she asks me as she lifts up her fork and spears the lettuce on her plate with it.
I take a bite of my food and swallow it as I watch her eat her own. Her lips wrap around her fork and she slides it out of her mouth. "Do you trust me?"
She doesn't break eye contact as she stares at me for a beat. There's a pregnant pause before she finally nods. "I do."
"Then trust me when I say, I know so." My gaze penetrates hers with the same intensity. "We won't be perfect, but we will be the closest thing to it."
CHAPTER EIGHT
ARIA
The sun is just barely cresting the horizon as Leo pulls his car into the parking lot at the airport. It was about a half hour drive from Idyll Cove to the closest international airport. I originally planned on driving myself, but yesterday after we finished practice, Leo asked if I wanted to ride with him. Since we had to be at the airport by five o'clock in the morning, it seemed like the better option.
Neither of us talked the entire drive. It was way too early to have any type of conversation. Leo doesn't really strike me as a morning person anyway. The rest of the skaters from our team were supposed to be meeting us here. We’re all flying on the same plane to Germany and we are supposed to be there for the next week for our competition.
There's a part of me that still feels a little unsure about all of this. Leo was right when he said we would finally click and things would work. For the past week and a half, we worked around the clock, skating together and perfecting our routine. I feel much more confident skating with him now, but I still have my reservations.
Thinking about the two of us being in perfect harmony almost seemed like it was too good to be true. There was a part of me that tended to air on the pessimistic side of things. Anything that could go wrong, would go wrong. Lately it felt like the universe was working against me. Things were going great and then I was without a partner. The odds were in my favor by ending up with Leo, although I still feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Leo finds a spot and pulls his car into it before putting it in park. He pops the trunk and turns off the engine as I unbuckle my seat belt and let myself out. The air has a chill to it and I pull the zipper of my coat farther up my neck until it's resting just beneath my chin.
Leo beats me to the trunk and he hoists my suitcase out and sets it on the ground in front of me. I grab the handle and adjust my bag on my shoulder as he gets out his own suitcase. I'm sure I overpacked, but it's okay. I don't particularly want to be in a different country with not many options for different outfits.
We're still silent as we walk through the parking garage and into the airport. It's not that busy given the time, but there's still a good amount of people checking in. We go through the line, check our bags and make sure we have our digital boarding passes ready to go before we get in line for security. Leo steps out of the way for me to go first and we funnel through the line before we make our way past the security check.
“I’m going to stop and get a coffee,” Leo finally says as we’re grabbing our personal bags and shoes from the conveyor belt. “Did you want one too?”
