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Daniel’s hand rubbed up and down her back. Eyes still fixed on the sand, she could see he had knelt beside her. She focused on every centimeter his hand moved and the warmth that radiated off his body. It felt like a life preserver.
She was finally able to focus on the world around her. She smelled the salty air, felt the cool, nighttime wind enveloping her, the grit of the sand beneath her, and Daniel’s warm, calming presence. She heard families talking, kids screaming in the distance, the sound of the ocean washing over the sand and shells, taking it away into the dark night.
The anxiety that had a death grip on her went with the current too. She felt her body loosen. She blinked her eyes open and looked at the grains of sand underneath her. She noticed the grass half buried beside her and let out a long, slow breath.
She knew she needed to look at Daniel, but she still couldn’t. The idea was terrifying, and she’d had enough panic for one day.
“I’m sorry.” The words were low, and they weren’t enough.
“You don’t need to apologize,” he said. “It’s okay not to be fine.”
“But I worried you.”
“You’re not responsible for my feelings.”
Those were a version of her words, turned around on her like it was nothing. Amelia was used to Andrew twisting things, but never like this. She was used to being the one to bend. She would have the extra patience, extra kindness. Never them.
And she was not used to getting it in return.
“I overreacted. I know I did.”
“Not really, considering you haven’t been feeling well all day.” His words were soft. Patient.
It made her throat close up. “It was loud.”
“It was.”
“I should have stayed home.”
“Maybe. But that’s in the past now. This is where we’re at.”
“Are you mad?”
“No, and it wouldn’t matter if I was. I don’t take my emotions out on people. And you don’t need to take yours out on yourself, either.”
“Wh-what?”
“If it were me, and I was with Lucinda, I’d know exactly how mad she was. And I’d do some of the work for her by being mad at myself for it. Does that sound fair?”
“No.” Her eyes left the ground and she was finally able to look up at him. “I see your point.”
“Good, because I wasn’t sure I worded that right.”
“It sounded dangerously close to what one of my therapists said, which is probably what I needed to hear.”
“What else do they say?”
“To think about my surroundings, which I finally did. And to . . . stay home if I feel off.”
“The closest thing to that is the condo. Should we go back?”
“I don’t want to ruin your night.”
“It’s not ruined. Not if I’m with you.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am very sure.”
