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After a moment, she spits out “I can’t” before moaning into the sheets. I take my cue and push against her hips, praying like fuck that I’m not making things worse.
“You can, dear, and you will soon. You’re in transition.” The witch’s voice seems to calm my mate as her shoulders relax. “You’ll get to hold your baby soon.”
“Soon…like how soon?” I can’t help but to ask. I really want this to be over with.
“However long it takes.” The healer’s answer is real fucking helpful.
IT FEELS LIKE HOURS GO BY, but every time I look at the clock it’s only been about fifteen minutes. My poor mate is in so much pain. She’s sweating, and after every contraction her head collapses back onto the mattress in exhaustion. Every contraction, every push, seems to be worse than the last. I feel like a little bitch because my hands and arms are fucking killing me from putting counter pressure on her hips, but she keeps begging me to push harder.
All the while, all I can think is that had I been sent any other day, what would have happened to her? All the ifs and worries race through my mind. Not a damn one is helping.
“One more push.” The healer’s words barely register with me as I watch Lena scrunch her face up as her body bears down. Lena falls against the mattress, and I see the healer lift her hands up from the corner of my eye. I turn to see Lena’s baby in the healer’s hands.
He’s blue.
He can’t be okay. Fuck, no. My body chills at the sight of him. My heart stops in my chest as I look at the tiny creature. His little body jiggles in an inhuman way as the healer unwraps the cord from his neck. Fuck. Fuck. My body goes numb. He’s so blue. The healer reaches into his little mouth and then pats the baby on his butt.
He’s wrinkly and blue and screaming.
He’s screaming.
Blinking away the sadness, I listen to his squeal and Lena’s cry of relief. That must mean he’s okay. I wish the healer would fucking say something, instead she gently places the tiny baby on Lena’s chest while his little fists ball and he continues to squeal. Lena wipes tears away from the corner of her eyes.
I’m paralyzed, merely watching and unsure what to do. My throat is dry and my wolf howls, pressing against my chest to go to them.
I stare at the women in the room, and they all have dreamy looks on their faces like this is normal. Tears well in my eyes and I just sit there waiting for someone to tell me he’s okay. That Lena’s okay. That whatever the fuck that was is over.
I look at the screaming little thing and stare in awe as his color changes with every breath. My lungs fill and it’s only then that I realize I’d been holding my breath. The little pup calms down as Lena gently shushes him and cradles him close to her chest. Her eyes are glassy with tears, and she looks hysterical as her shoulders rock with a mixture of crying and laughter coming from her. She’s fucking beautiful.
I’ll remember this moment forever.
I don’t know what the hell to do, but I know I want to hold her. Even if she can’t feel our bond and my pull to her, maybe it will calm her a little if I hold her. Shit, maybe it will calm me down just to be close to her.
I crawl across the bed and slowly put my left arm above her head as I lay my body next to hers. She’s staring at the baby in her arms and doesn’t even seem to notice me. That’s all right though because she’s obviously at ease. That’s all I want. I let my warmth settle around us and tell her that he’s beautiful and that she did a great job. I’m only repeating what the women told her but still, it makes her smile and whether she knows it or not, she leans into me slightly.
I look down at the baby in her arms, he’s calm and nuzzling into the crook of her arm. He’s so small. So fragile. I’m surprised he’s moving so much. Strong little thing. I look at his face and search for details of Lena, or…Shadow. The reminder shoots a cold wave through my blood. I look back at the baby expecting to feel resentment, but I feel nothing but relief and happiness. He’s my mate’s child. Therefore, he’s my child.
My heart swells at the realization. I’ve barely wrapped my head around the fact that I’ve found my mate and now I have a son.
I can’t help but wonder as I watch the two of them…if she now can feel our bond…or if she never will.
JUDE
My heavy eyelids slowly open, sleep threatening to take me but I’m just not ready to give in. All of this is too new, too fragile, and I’m afraid to let go even if it is just to dream of them. Lena’s finally asleep and the little one is squirming. I don’t want him to wake her. She’s been fussing over him and trying to get him to latch on to feed for hours before she finally dozed off. The little witch has left. Everyone is content that both Lena and the pup are healthy and well. Lena herself is already healing although a touch slower than wolves do. She needs to eat and to sleep, witch’s orders.
Grace and Lizzie left first, shooed out by the witch hours ago. Lena thanked them all, although she hasn’t said much to me. A whispered “thank you” when I readjust her pillow. A gentle “no thank you” when I’ve asked if there’s anything I can do.
I don’t know my place, other than beside her, waiting and ready for whatever is to come. I’ve watched the color return to her cheeks, her wounds heal, and sleep slowly restores her strength. And I keep waiting, hoping, that she’ll feel the pull. I keep imagining the spark that will come to her eyes when I look down at her. But all it is at this point is a dream that keeps me from being able to rest.
With Lena soundly sleeping and the little one wriggling, I pick up her little boy with both hands, although I could probably carry him steadily with just one. He’s so tiny. He opens his mouth to squeal, but I slip the tip of my pointer down his nose and across his upper lip and he latches right on. Just like he did with Lena. A small smile curls my lips up as I set him down on the makeshift cushion on my dresser.
Just yesterday morning, life was completely different. I never could have imagined this would be my life so soon.
I keep my left hand on his squirmy little body and grab the tiny-ass diaper and wipes with my right. Someone’s bound to drop this squirmy little guy, but I’ll be damned if it’s going to be me. I chuckle to myself as I wipe his bottom, put the clean diaper on, and bundle him up like the little witch showed me. It doesn’t look right, but he’ll be fine. I sit with him in the rocker that Grace brought in earlier and stare down at the little guy; he’s wriggling a bit as I try to rock him to sleep. I’ll have to wake Lena if he gets any fussier since he might be hungry.
The very thought of doing that makes me nervous. She needs her rest and I don’t want to wake her. I don’t want to fail her at such a delicate time.
I’ve already done that tonight based on her little cries and short-lived sobs. I had to ask her what was wrong and in return she merely shook her head and refused to look at me. She’s not well and I can’t even hear her, I can’t soothe her as a mate should.
