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Jewell watched his retreating back. Benjamin paused at the door and leaned his hand into the jamb. Her lungs burned as Jewell held her breath and waited for him to come back. But he didn't. After several moments, Benjamin dropped his hand and disappeared down the hall.
Her vision blurred with hot moisture. Jewell lifted two fingers to her lips, kissed them, and turned her hand out to him as he disappeared. A deep shudder shook her body.
"Just know I love you, Benjamin Roth."
* * *
Benjamin sat in the humid warmth of the solarium and watched the sun slowly fall behind the horizon of treetops. He closed his eyes against the momentary intensification of light just before it vanished completely. A deep breath through his nostrils filled his head with the earthy aroma of soil and fertilizer from the potted plants along the wall. Dusk settled over the landscaped yard as he took another sip of his iced tea. After the headache he woke up with, Benjamin decided to steer away from liquor this evening.
Despite his avoidance of any firewater, his head pounded. Were this house a pressure cooker, the lid would've blown off and taken a chunk out of the moon by now. Benjamin felt like two people—or one being torn down the middle. Each inner person was equal in their resolve to rend him to pieces.
Part of him wanted to just pack his suitcase and go back to Boston. Leave all of this behind him once and for all. Be done with the crap.
In equal part, he wanted to stay in this house and be the thorn in his father's side until he could take Jon Roth down, and destroy him for destroying their family.
The part that wanted to see his father destroyed was the part that pushed Jewell away this morning. She forced him to recognize and acknowledge things about himself he never realized or cared about previously. Jewell taught him he needed someone to be here with him, whether he wanted to need her or not. He didn't like needing her. Benjamin hated it, or at the least reminded himself that he should. If he pushed away hard enough, he'd eventually not need the comfort she willingly gave. At least, that was what the cowardly side of his inner self tried to believe.
The other part of him wanted to hang on to her with desperation. He wanted to draw strength from her. She could give him strength enough to get through the next few days, and strength enough to get through all the days to come. The part of his heart she brought to life knew all this and wanted to accept it for what it was and what it could be. But the part of his heart that had run his life since the first time he understood rejection didn't want to give in.
It would be different once they were back in Boston. He would be back in his own world. Back where they both could relax and pick things up where they left off.
Benjamin shook his head. Who was he kidding? Nothing would be the same again. His sister was in a coma, put there by their own father. And just where was it they were going to pick up from? He didn't know where that was because they never talked about it. It was a topic avoided with stealth and cunning on his part.
Someone tapped the small table where Benjamin's hand rested and he looked up. His godfather stood beside the chair with a pipe in his hand. A slow smile spread Ben Prescott's lips and he nodded.
"Good evening, Benjamin."
"If you say so," he said with a shrug and took another sip of his drink.
The elder man sat down in a chair adjacent to Benjamin's so they faced each other. Prescott struck a wooden match and puffed on his pipe until fragrant smoke billowed from its open end. With a flick of his wrist, he extinguished the match and dropped it on the tile-topped table.
"Your girlfriend is quite a catch," his godfather said as he put the pipe down far enough for Benjamin to see his face. "She's very sweet, absolutely beautiful, and cares for you quite a bit. Can't ask for more than that."
Benjamin examined Ben Prescott's face. He looked sincere enough, but with the people in this house, there could always be an ulterior motive. As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Benjamin cursed it. His internal cynic reared up and fed on the negative energy in this house. Prescott had always been straightforward with Benjamin and didn't seem to play the kinds of games for which the Roths were famous. Until shown otherwise, Benjamin decided to accept Prescott's comments at face value.
"She is beautiful," Benjamin responded.
Prescott nodded and leaned back to bring his leg up. He rested his ankle on the opposite knee and puffed lazily on the pipe.
"I came by this afternoon to see how Barbara was doing. It's hard to tell what's going on in her head, no thanks to the pills that quack doctor is feeding her. She said, as best she could through the medication, Ms. Kincaid stepped in to talk to her this morning."
"I heard," Benjamin said.
"According to your mother, you and your lady friend are getting married. Or maybe she said you already were. I'm not sure now. But it had something to do with you, Ms. Kincaid, and marriage."
Benjamin set his glass down and stared hard at his godfather. He swallowed the liquid still in his mouth. "Where would she get an idea like that?"
Ben shrugged. "Wishful thinking, maybe? Perhaps a premonition?"
Benjamin shook his head. "The only thing my parents wish for me is that I leave, as soon as possible."
The other man's face grew stern and he leaned forward to point his pipe in Ben's direction. "It wasn't always like that, Benjamin. When you were born you were the most precious thing in the world to them."
"Until they found out I was deaf."
"That's not what happened." Benjamin read the strength of Prescott's exclamation on his face. Then the man's shoulders slumped and he sat back. "It wasn't like that."
"Then what was it? All I've ever heard from Jon is the disgrace I’ve been to this family since the day I was born. I've been buried, hidden, denied, and ignored. If it wasn't because of my deafness, then what was it?"
