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Jewell paused, blinked, and read the sentence again. With that one statement, Victoria made everything painfully clear. No wonder he had looked so angry when he read the email, especially if that was how he found out. It had to be because if he had known when he arrived at the office that Victoria had gone back, he would have told her.
There had been no time after one meeting and before the next.
She huffed and rubbed her fingertips across her forehead, the low thud of a headache building behind her eyes. Benjamin and Victoria were as close as she and Garnett, and Jewell could only imagine if she had to watch her brother struggle with the choices Victoria felt she had to make. Choose between her parents and two men who loved her—her brother and her lover.
Choices no one should be required to make.
Jewell finished the flat soda left in her can and focused again on the screen.
I know that by now my brother has told you I've left Boston and gone back to Connecticut. I can just imagine how angry he is, and I wish there could have been another way. Maybe there was. Probably there was. But, at the time it was the only course of action I could see.
I like you, Jewell. And I believe that Benjamin loves you, or if he doesn't, he will soon. You're so good for him. I think maybe you love my brother already. You've seen a small fraction of the dysfunction that is our family, but I think you should know more. Jewell, if you're going to be with him you're going to have to deal with everything that comes with him.
Benjamin was eleven years old when I was born. I can only imagine how it was for him when he was young. He has told me so little. My brother thinks it's a sign of weakness to complain, or even talk about it.
Ben was born deaf. By what I understand, the full extent of his impairment wasn't realized until he was about three years old. All this information I got from my Aunt Rachel, my mother's sister. Supposedly it's a recessive genetic birth defect. It must go way, way back because they never figured out where it came from.
From what I've been told, Mom and Daddy took the news fine at first. But Aunt Rachel told me it was like something snapped in my father. Daddy started drinking and turned into a jerk overnight. He refused to have anything to do with Benjamin. When Ben was five, he was enrolled in a boarding school and sent away to live there. Aunt Rachel told me it was the best thing for him, no matter how cruel that sounds. Daddy's drinking made him violent, and my understanding is that Benjamin was often a target for his anger.
Jewell had to stop and swallow hard, blinking against the fury and choking sorrow that gripped her when she read the last sentence. Of all the evils that existed in the world, of all the abuses and the mistreatments—some of which had been the crumbling foundations that had ultimately created the better part of the Kincaid family—Jewell could never fathom the ability of a parent to reap violence on their own child. Any child, but especially one's own.
She opened her drawer and took out a tissue, dabbing at her eyes as she tried to tamp down the rawness. The door leading to the bullpen was open, so as much as Jewell wanted to weep, she couldn't. Not without potentially drawing attention she didn't want.
A glance at the clock displayed in the corner of her monitor said it was nearly four. Benjamin would be done soon, and they could get out of here for the weekend. If she already found it hard to read his sister's words, she wondered what else the lengthy email held, and hoped she wouldn't be in tears when he came back. A quick passing thought told her to stop, but she knew she couldn't. She needed to continue.
My father refused to learn sign language and forbade my mother from learning. I can remember my father stating it would do Benjamin no good to be coddled. He had to learn to live in a world that didn't give a damn he wasn't normal. He was expected to conform to us, not us to him. It took years to do it, but Benjamin learned to speak and read lips. Of course, not with any help from them. He found people to teach him all on his own.
Benjamin tried to shield me from the worst of it, even before I knew what all the tension and yelling was about whenever he was home. But my parents did nothing to hide anything from me. In fact, when I was nine or ten, my father told me I should steer clear of my brother when he came home because he brought nothing but disgrace and hostility with him. My father told me he was a strain on the family and a burden I would have to carry when they were gone, because he would never amount to anything.
Even at that age, I couldn't believe how blind my father was to the truth. Ben was twenty-one years old, had graduated from high school at sixteen, finished college, and was working on his Master's Degree. All on full academic scholarship. But according to my father, Ben would never amount to anything. How ignorant is that?
The highlight of my life was when my big brother came home for brief visits. My earliest memories are of sneaking into his bedroom in the middle of the night. We'd hide under the covers of his bed and he would let me talk for hours about dolls and storybooks until I would finally fall asleep. I was probably four or five, so he was already a teenager. He looked so big, handsome, and wonderful to me. And he always smiled at me. Benjamin was the only one who ever smiled…
He spent all his time with me when he came home. Or at least as much as Mother and Father would allow. Daddy said he was incompetent and couldn't be trusted alone with me. But when I got older, Benjamin snuck in and played with me for hours on end. He taught me sign language. It was as natural for me to learn as English. We weren't allowed to use it around grown-ups, so it was our private little language. We could speak across a room without anyone knowing it. But beyond everything else, I remember loving him. I adore him.
Which is why I'm telling you all this. I love my brother. I want him to be happy. I have never seen him as happy as he is with you. You are his happiness, Jewell. I don't want to put pressure on you, but I wanted you to understand.
Loving him won't be easy, Jewell. He's stubborn, he's shielded, he's opinionated, and he can be a real butthead. But, if you gain his love, Jewell…he will love you with everything he has.
Just promise me you'll do the same.
Victoria
The words were a blur by the time she finished. Jewell blinked, and tears rolled down her cheeks. She turned her back to the open office door and bowed her head, clenching her hands in her lap. She wasn't sure what affected her more deeply—the trauma of his life, or the beauty of his love for his sister. And her love for him.
Her chest ached, her throat ached, and her whole body ached for them both. Not for the harsh, accusatory, loveless man who had intruded into Benjamin's home. Not for the meek woman who had done nothing to protect her son. For Benjamin and Victoria.
She drew in a shaky breath and raised her head, looking toward the large window along her back office wall that looked down onto Friend Street. The sun was bright today, but she knew the air held a fall chill. The cold could easily be forgotten with the sunlight streaming in to warm the small office. Jewell stood and went to the window, looking through the jungle of steel, glass, and brick that made up the Financial District. Orange construction cones blocked off some areas of the street, and people moved up and down the sidewalks, avoiding obstacles and each other. No one walked with anyone, everyone moved independently. Alone. Cell phones to their ears and briefcases in their hands.
She leaned her forehead against the warm glass, closing her eyes.
Warmth and light seeped into her, pushing away the cold in the center of her chest.
Benjamin's touch on her shoulder pulled her from her impromptu meditation, and she turned before she even opened her eyes, raising her arms to wrap them around him. For that moment, she didn't care if he'd left the door open. She just needed to hold him.
He wrapped her in his arms, his hands pressing firmly into her back, and he turned his face into her neck. Neither said anything for a long time, but even then, when he pulled back Jewell wanted to tell him it was too soon.
"Come on," he said, sliding his hand from her back to her arm and down to lace her fingers with his. "I need to get out of here." He paused, smiled, and touched her cheek with his other hand. "I need some time with you."
