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“I’m feeling great!” I nodded sharply, confidently. A slight twinge all over but nothing like before. I never wanted to feel that way again. The excruciation of so many bruises. The needling pain in my side.
No, thank you.
Another wave of softness descended as Henri sat carefully on the bed.
The mattress rocked a little under his weight, making it feel as if I lay upon a giant fluffy marshmallow.
My heart squeezed as I studied his drawn face. No light in his eyes. No aliveness or awareness or need.
He’s not sinking…he’s drowned.
Raising my arm, it hovered on its own accord. So light. Featherweight and flimsy. I tried to reach for him. To give him touch. To give him something to cling to.
But he reared back as if I’d tried to strike him.
I recoiled, wincing in preparation for another scolding.
When nothing came—when he merely opened a tub of cream and shifted closer—I let my stupid heart guide me. Just like I always did. Just like I probably shouldn’t.
With a quick breath, I pressed my hand on his thigh.
My fingers burned with his strength.
The towel around his hips slightly damp and cool.
So many things surged through me.
Needs, fears, desires, trepidations.
I laughed because I didn’t want such feelings.
I giggled because my feelings were absurd, and everything about this was crazy.
He cut you.
Stole you.
He’s hurting…
I squeezed his quad. “It’s okay…”
He stiffened and sucked in a tattered breath.
The tension in his leg turned to granite.
I snickered as I squeezed him again. “You’re made of stone.” I poked at his rock-hard stomach. Cold. Unyielding. “Actually, I think you’re an iceberg.”
His eyes remained locked on mine, cataloguing my every move. Yet he still didn’t speak.
An image of the Titanic floated into my head. I was the Titanic. I crashed bow first into the iceberg that was Henri. I sank into crystal-blue water where penguins swam and polar bears dived and cute fur seals—
Stop it.
Swallowing hard, I blinked past glittering icicles and refocused.
The fantastical images in my head left, but the soft candyfloss feeling remained.
I like this feeling.
