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Studying Ily out the corner of my eye, I waited for her to react at the mention of her rape.
Would those memories set her back? Hurt her? Rattle her?
She didn’t even flinch.
Two parts of me battled.
The monster who was so in awe of her resilience and rebellion and the man who worried she’d break at any moment.
Breathing deeply, she closed her eyes as if she was meditating.
I still didn’t understand what she meant about not watching when Victor took her but…I’d learned firsthand what sort of power concentration and centring could do.
Looking away from her was a struggle but I forced myself to grin. “You showed me, once and for all, what I need to get off. You asked what I talk about when I’m in the midst of a fuck with Ily? I told you at the start of our friendship and I’ll tell you again.” Leaning forward, I linked my fingers on the table. “I tell her what I want to do to her. Last night, I told her in explicit detail what I plan on doing when we visit the snuffbox this afternoon. Words have power. They can deliver tomorrow’s fear and yesterday’s pain. A simple reminder or a cruel promise can burrow its way into someone’s psyche so deeply that by the time you come to do the act, they’re already broken.”
Victor shivered as if I’d actually touched a nerve. “You truly could be remarkable if you let yourself go, Mercer.” Holding out his arm, he shoved up his cable knit jumper. “See? Chills. You just gave me chills.” He grinned. “I love it.” Dropping his hand, he nodded. “Fine. Talk away to your jewel. Who am I to say what fetishes are better than others.”
“Thanks.” Bending down, I pulled the black and silver bag from the floor and dumped it on the table. “You ask me what fascinates me so much about Ilyana? I’ll tell you. It’s her strength. I tell her what I plan on doing to her and instead of cowering and spoiling all the fun, she stands up to me. You see that as a flaw in her obedience, but I see it as a motherfucking aphrodisiac.”
Victor curled his upper lip. “You enjoy it when she fights back.”
“I do.” I let the truth of that darken my voice. “Like I said, you see bad behaviour and something to be beaten, I see it as a red flag to give in.”
“Yes, I’m beginning to realise that. I, too, enjoy the journey from unruly to ruled but…surely you don’t want her to stay that way forever? There’s just so much enjoyment in knowing you’re the one to silence them. You’re the one to mould them. If she never learns to submit, then where is the peace for you? You’ll never have the joy of a jewel who obeys your every whim, no matter how dark or painful. You’ll have a war on your hands every time.”
“It’s that war that turns me on.”
“Yes but—”
“I need her to fight with me, Vic. Always. You saw how I reacted when she kicked me in the nose the night I snapped. I couldn’t help it. Give me a woman who screams and tells me to fuck myself and I can’t stop what I do in response. Give me a girl who just bends over and takes it? Well....” I splayed my hands. “You get what happened last night. A cock that won’t work and the administering of a blue pill that’s just plain embarrassing.”
Sighing, he nodded along. “You make a decent point. I’d just hate for you to miss out on all the ways a subservient jewel can make you feel.”
Grabbing the brand-new whip from the bag, I tossed it by my plate. “I won’t be missing out on anything. You gave me this to use. I’m grateful and I’m looking forward to it, but I’ll only agree to go into the snuffbox with you if you agree to let me do this my way. You want me to be happy? Give me full rein of Ily’s education. You’ve had her now. I honoured that part of our deal. While she’s in your home, she will obey and be polite to you. I’ll ensure she doesn’t speak back to anyone but me. She will be the perfect jewel you expect. However, when she’s under my rule and about to take my cock, she has my permission to call me whatever the fuck she wants. She can fight me. She can try to hurt me. I need you to agree that you won’t interfere because this is what I want, got it?”
For the longest moment, he didn’t speak.
Shit, what are you doing?
I’d shared too much. Given too much away.
But…if Ily and I were going to do this. If we were going to pretend? If we willing engaged in all the depravity on offer in this place, I needed constant fucking feedback that she was still with me. Still playing with me. Still strong. If she turned into Rachel or the others…
It can’t happen.
If she broke, truly broke, I’d use my switchblade to end both of us because freedom or no freedom, if her mind didn’t stay intact there was nothing left for either of us.
Steepling his fingers, he pursed his lips and studied me then Ily. He looked as if he could smell a rat without being able to see it. Perhaps he’d seen what happened on the toilet last night. Maybe he’d heard our pact. Maybe he knew far more than I feared but finally, he stood and held out his hand.
I stood too, placing my fingers in his.
Squeezing hard, he dragged me forward. “I accept your requirements, and I look forward to seeing you step into your rightful place as Master. Shall we get started?” Letting me go, he looked at the sky. “I know we said this afternoon but I’m suddenly eager to see you in action. What do you say, pretty Ily? Fancy being whipped before lunch?”
Her eyes snapped open.
A flash of light in her gaze.
Behave. I glowered.
