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I clung to his shoulders. “Je t’aime, Hen.”
“I-It’s not possible.” Fresh tears glossed his eyes; the violence I was used to from him rippled down his arms.
Snatching me close, keeping his cock deep, deep inside me, he wrenched off the shower and tripped onto the bathmat. Dripping wet, he carried me into the bedroom and fell onto the bed, wedging me beneath him, his cock still locked right where it belonged.
“Say it again.” His panic turned to desperation.
“I love you,” I whispered, kissing the tip of his nose.
A tortured noise fell out of him. “Are you sure? I mean…why? Fuck, how—”
“How?”
“God knows I’ve done nothing to deserve it. You should hate me. A large part of me needs you to hate me. I can’t handle anything else. I…I’m not worthy of anything else.”
My heart tore into pieces. “It’s because of your lack of self-worth that I do.” Arching my hips, I rocked against him. “You are worthy. I wouldn’t love you if you weren’t.”
He groaned. “Ily—”
Dragging his head down, I whispered too quietly for the cameras, “Tomorrow, when Victor forces us to do whatever sick game he has planned, we play together, okay? Promise me you’ll hurt me if he makes you. Vow to me you won’t make him suspicious.”
“God, I can’t.” He pressed his lips to my throat. “The thought of ever harming you again turns me into fucking knots. I wouldn’t survive if you broke.”
“But…” My nose wrinkled as I figured out the best way to say something so delicate. “But that’s who you are. You know it yourself. You need to deliver pain—”
“No.” He shook his head. “I’ll change. I’ll stop. I don’t want—”
“It’s who you are, Hen. Either because of what you lived through as a boy or what you need as a man…you can’t change something so ingrained. Not now. Not that quickly.”
“I can. Watch me.”
“Don’t hate yourself for what you need.” I ran my fingers down his damp back, making him break out in goosebumps. “You’ll destroy yourself if you do.”
“What I need is you.”
“And what I need is for you to play along with me.”
We were running out of time.
If we were going to hoodwink Victor, it had to seem as if Henri had snapped thanks to Victor’s tutelage tonight.
Dropping my legs and going meek beneath him, it looked as if Henri took me against my will. The moment I surrendered, the truth I still hadn’t accepted shivered through me. Just the act of playing his captive made me wet and needy.
God, it felt so scandalous and dirty and…safe.
Safe now that I trusted him.
Safe now that I knew him.
Safe.
He sucked in a breath as he felt my shift, felt the flush of wetness inside me. “W-What are you doing?”
“Being honest with myself.” I licked my lips and stared at his mouth. “What if…what if I need you to hurt me? What if I’m exactly what you said I was…”
He went very, very still. “You’re not a masochist, Ily. I was seeing what I wanted to see. Trying to convince myself what I was doing wasn’t wrong.”
“It wasn’t wrong…not all of it.”
