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“Because she went to Heaven,” Stella said, walking over to him. She put her hand on his arm to guide him back to his chair, but he pulled away.
I watched him ball his fists angrily at his side and look at Stella with a bright red face.
“But ... she didn’t say goodbye.”
“She couldn’t,” Stella said quietly, reaching for him again.
“When you love someone and you’re going away somewhere, you’re a’sposed to say goodbye!” he yelled angrily.
“Stop it,” she hissed. “You’re making Mom cry.”
“I don’t care! She should have said goodbye!” he yelled, throwing himself on the grass.
I got up and walked over to him. I knelt in the grass next to this hysterical little boy who didn’t understand quite yet what had happened to his oldest sister.
“She didn’t say goodbye to me either, Liam. But that doesn’t mean she loved us any less. Janey always told me how proud she was of you because you’re such a big boy. Can you be that big boy now? For Janey?” I asked, helping him to his knees.
He nodded and got to his feet. He was still crying, and he threw his arms around me, telling me that he wanted to go with his sister.
“Me too. But we can’t. We have to be strong, okay?”
He pulled away from me and ran back to his father, climbing into his lap and crying harder than ever.
Father Lucian asked if anyone else had anything to say. My speech was burning a hole in my inner pocket, but I decided against reading it. Nothing I could possibly say right now would be consoling to anyone.
When the time finally came to lower her into the ground, I walked away. It was bad enough to lose her, but if I actually saw them do it, it would be “final”.
So I stood on top of a hill next to a mausoleum with an angel out front while they put my Jane into the ground.
Chapter Twenty-One
Nolan
Monday, August 5th 1:43 PM
“I hope you like your headstone. It took us forever to decide on what to do. Aaron thought that it should say Jane Ransom and I thought that it should say Jane East. He said it deserved to say Ransom because we were married and that’s what you would have wanted, but I guess we’ll never know.
“I... Jane, there was something I wanted to read to you the day we buried you, but I couldn’t do it. Not with Liam becoming aware of what happened to you, so if you have some time I wanted to read it to you today. I added some stuff to it too.
“Well, here it goes.
“’My Dearest Love,
I’m sorry that we never got to take that walk on the beach. I’m sorry that we never even made it to the bathroom. I’m sorry that you suffered and I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you.
You were the most amazing thing that ever happened to me, and I selfishly wanted to do anything I could to keep you here for as long as I could. I was blind to your pain and suffering and I’ll never forgive myself for it.
I can only hope that wherever you are, you still love me and know in your heart that I will always love you.
No one will ever take your place, and I’ll carry the memory of you forever in my heart.
I never truly thanked you for coming into my life. I may have only known you for a short time, but it was the most amazing time of my life.
Stella told me that she’ll take care of Liam, so you won’t have to worry about either of them.
Liam wanted me to tell you that he’s not mad anymore. He understands now that you couldn’t say goodbye and he wants you to know that he’s sorry for being mad.
Aaron and Jessie are doing a little bit better. They kept your wheelchair and put it in your room. No one’s allowed to go in there; it’s exactly the way you left it.
