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“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” I asked.
“Yes, they are. I dreamt of this day many times back in Hell, and I always feared that the reality would never match up to my expectations…instead, it has surpassed them.”
“I’m surprised. We’re in the middle of nowhere with barely any supplies, we’ve lost people and I’m sure we’ll lose more… I thought you’d be upset with me.”
“Upset with you? Why?”
“Because I promised you freedom, and protection, and?—”
“What happened at the Citadel was my fault, not yours. I should have known it would not be that easy, and, all things considered, we are lucky to be here at all.” She paused. “I have not seen you eat.”
I shook my head. “I don’t have to.”
“Are you not mortal?”
“I am, but we’re on Earth… that means my Light is back. I can go a little longer than most without food, water, even sleep.”
“A handy trick. One I would like to possess myself, considering my eyes are beginning to feel heavy.”
“You’re tired. You should try to sleep—you all should.”
“We are not safe here.”
“I’ll keep watch. If anything happens, I’ll wake you.”
Missolis’ eyes narrowed. My instant thought was that she didn’t trust me, but in the whole time I’d known her, she hadn’t given me a reason to suspect that—Malachi yes, but not Missolis. If anything, it seemed that she didn’t trust herself, maybe she felt sleeping was a sign of weakness, or that it would leave her vulnerable and exposed. Whatever her motivations, it was clear to me that she wasn’t used to relying on others.
“It would not be fair on you—” she started.
“I don’t need sleep yet. You do, and we aren’t out of the woods. If any demons show up, you’ll all need your strength to fight them off.”
She frowned. “Woods?” she asked. “This is a desert… there are no trees, here.”
“It’s a human figure of speech. Please, go sleep.”
She looked like she was about to leave, but then paused. “Your Ravager… she didn’t return?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“That is unfortunate. Not all demons seek redemption like we do.”
“I guess I was hoping she would eventually… see the light.”
Wordlessly, Missolis arched one of her eyebrows.
“It was another figure of speech.”
“I see.” She paused once more. “If I may ask, why did you bring her with us? Was it out of mercy, or out of selfishness?”
Ouch.
I didn’t reply immediately. It wasn’t loyalty to Gadriel that had made me clasp her hands together and drag her with me out of Hell. It wasn’t my own misguided idea of what mercy should look like, either—although maybe it was partly that. In truth, my motivation for saving her had been guilt.
I had tried to keep her from being sent to the Pit all that time ago, and I had failed. Now, seeing her again, seeing what had become of her… I felt guilty, and in my guilt I had been selfish. I had decided that she should accept me as her savior because if she did that, then I would feel better about everything that had happened since.
I sighed. “I think we both know the answer to that,” I said. “I should have let her go with the rest of them, but I thought I was doing the right thing. I was wrong.”
Missolis smirked lightly, the side of her mouth curling. “A selfish angel,” she said. “I never thought I would ever see the day.”
