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Each school day she met Theo and two other kids when they came off the bus and kept them at her apartment, helping with homework until their parents—single moms and one single dad—came to pick them up.
The set up was perfect for Marissa and the other parents, and the kids loved Carla. She gave them snacks and helped with homework at a fraction of the cost Marissa would have to pay for a more formal arrangement.
They made their way down from the second-floor apartment, her heels clanging on the metal steps as she walked behind her son.
“Hold on to the railing and take those steps one at a time,” Marissa said.
Halfway down, the bus pulled up, and Theo’s little legs increased in speed.
“Careful,” Marissa warned.
At the bottom of the stairs, he ran to get in line behind the other kids getting on the bus. He greeted the little girl in front of him, and the two of them chatted about God knows what as the line moved.
Marissa and one of the dads stood nearby and watched them. She was fortunate enough to have a job where she could stick around until Theo was safely on the bus before she left for work.
Before climbing the steps into the bus, her son turned and waved. “Bye, Mommy. Love you.”
Marissa’s heart melted, and she waved back. “Love you more.”
Her baby drove her crazy most mornings, but he never failed to turn and wave at her with a big grin on his face—forcing all the exasperation and frustration of getting ready in the morning to melt from her body.
She’d made a lot of mistakes in her life, one of which was ending up pregnant by the first and only man she’d ever been with. A man she’d learned the hard and painful way couldn’t be trusted. But keeping Theo had not been a mistake.
As the bus pulled away, she said goodbye to the other parent and walked to her white Camry. She placed her messenger bag on the passenger seat and turned on the radio to listen to her favorite podcast, Lindsay the Sexy Diva. Once a week, the host covered issues on dating, sex, and relationships.
Marissa was addicted to the stories of women struggling in their relationships and conflicted about sex and dating, and she appreciated Lindsay’s no-nonsense hosting style. Lindsay wasn’t the typical sociologist or psychologist doling out advice. Her knowledge about relationships came from experience. As a professional matchmaker, Marissa often counseled clients on relationship hiccups, and listening to Lindsay was like taking a master class.
She started her car and pulled out of the parking lot right as Lindsay started reading one of her listener letters asking for advice.
“Okay girlfriends, this one is for the girlies who haven’t dated in a while and want to get back in the saddle but don’t know how.
“Dear Lindsay, I was married for almost ten years, and six months ago my husband and I called it quits. After taking some time for me, I feel ready to start dating again, but I’m afraid. What should I do? Signed, Dahlia in Akron.
Marissa could relate. “It’s normal to feel nervous, but make sure you know what you want,” she said aloud, turning into traffic.
“First of all, it’s normal to feel nervous about dating again,” Lindsay said, echoing Marissa’s thoughts. “Don’t beat yourself up about those feelings, and kudos for taking the time to focus on you after your marriage ended. People often jump into new relationships prematurely, but there’s no set amount of time to wait. Every person is different.”
Marissa nodded her head in agreement.
“Now, regarding your question, here’s what I think you should do. Embrace the journey but take your time. You’re not running a race. The past is in the past. Use what you learned to move into the future with newfound wisdom and strength.
“Make sure you define your dating priorities. Are you dating for fun, or are you looking for marriage? What are your deal breakers? What are the top qualities you’re looking for in a partner? When you can clearly answer these questions, you’ll better be able to narrow the pool of potential dates, therefore you’re not wasting your time or theirs.”
“Amen,” Marissa whispered with a head nod, pulling to a stop behind a minivan. As usual, traffic was bumper to bumper this morning.
“Don’t let fear hold you back from finding happiness with someone new,” Lindsay continued. “Trust yourself and your judgment. Be open to the possibilities that present themselves, whether through online dating, social events, or through connections from mutual friends.
“Most importantly, stay true to yourself. Let me say that again. Stay true to yourself. The right person will appreciate you for who you are.”
Marissa nodded. She agreed with every word Lindsay said but knew from experience that to start dating again wasn’t easy. Especially for someone like her, with a kid, who wanted to give him the world.
Her fantasies were silly, but she dreamed of one day meeting a man who could rescue her from the dullness of her life. Someone she could lean on, so she didn’t have to depend on herself all the time. She’d been taking charge since she was a child. Sometimes she was exhausted. She longed to have a partner, and the man of her dreams would shower her and her son with love.
But that wasn’t her reality. She thought she had found the right man once, Theo’s father, but brutal disappointment had fractured her heart.
For now, she had to be patient and create her own happy ending, which meant giving Theo a better childhood than she had. The roach-infested apartment she and her brother grew up in was a distant memory, but getting away from that life wasn’t enough. She wanted more for herself and her son. A house of their own, a yard to play in, and maybe a dog.
She was almost there already. She’d chosen to live farther away from work to save money on rent, and this year she was on track to achieve her goal of home ownership.
