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His free hand wraps around the back of my neck, and he pulls away far enough to look into my eyes. “Because I trust you.” He swallows heavily. “Love, I’m yours, body and soul.”
After all he’s been through, the fact that he’s offering himself so completely fills me with deep tenderness. I want to honor that and help build new memories for both of us. Within the quiet hours of the darkest night, I will worship him the way he deserves with love, devotion, kindness, and reverence.
I gently push him back into the pillows and shift to straddle his lap. Relief and desire burn in equal measure within his gaze as I pull my shirt up and over my head. A pang of heartache resonates within my chest as I realize he anticipated rejection.
Leaning forward so we’re chest to chest, I cradle the back of his head with my hands and murmur, “I love you, all of you, wholly and completely,” against his lips.
“I love you too,” he whispers, his cool hands sweeping down the length of my spine. “All of you, wholly and completely.”
“Even my magic?” I ask, a seed of hope blooming where only uncertainty lived.
“Yes,” he replies, his voice fueled with regret. “I’m sorry I let fear get in the way. You are perfect as you are in every way.”
“I wouldn’t say that.” I laugh self-consciously, hiding my face against his shoulder.
“Clearly, you don’t see what I do,” he replies, his tone a low, silken croon. His hands grip my ass, and he bucks his hips, causing me to gasp. “I guess that means I’ll have to show you.”
Sitting up, I look at him through my lashes and bite my bottom lip. “Before we start, you should probably know that I, um… well, I’ve done some things beyond what we’ve done together, but I haven’t…”
“You’re still a virgin?” he supplies, reaching up to save my lip from my teeth.
I nod, my blush traveling from my cheeks down to my chest. “Not that we have to if you aren’t ready, but I thought you should know.”
A crooked smile pulls at the corner of his mouth. “If I’m not ready?”
Crossing my arms over my naked chest, I hunch my shoulders and pout. “You said you wanted to take things slow, and I didn’t want to assume.”
Nolan shakes his head, almost in disbelief, and grins. “No, that’s not it. It’s just with everything I’ve done, it’s rare for anyone to consider that I might not be… and with this being your first time.” He shrugs sheepishly. “It feels like I should be asking you if you’re sure instead of the other way around.”
“I’m ready,” I reply in a husky tone. Filled with nervous excitement, I roll my hips, grinding my core against his hard length trapped within his sweats.
“Oh fuck,” he moans, tipping his chin up, his eyelids fluttering closed for a moment.
“Are you ready?” I purr, uncrossing my arms so I can trace the lines of his chest and abdomen.
“God, yes.” He takes one of my hands and guides it to the waistband of his sweats. The other fists my hair, and with eyes filled with burning desire, he leans forward to whisper against my lips. “I want your touch on every inch of my skin. I want to know what you taste like on my tongue. Then, when you’re desperate to come, I want to make love to you.”
“Taste?” I question, drunk on his words. “You already know what I taste like.”
His mouth twists into a smile full of sinful promise. Releasing my hand, he reaches farther down, brushing his fingers along my cotton panties. “Here, love. I want to taste you here.”
“Oh,” I whisper, distantly remembering that he mentioned fantasizing about going down on me. A flush burns down my skin as I imagine it, wondering if I’m ready to do the same.
He pulls back far enough to take stock of my expression. “Is that something that turns you on or scares you?”
“I’m a little nervous,” I admit, my eyes falling to his lips. “I want… I want to reciprocate. This is about both of us, but I’ve only used my hands before.”
“Hands are good,” he assures me, gentling his grip in my hair. “Only do what you’re comfortable with. Honestly, having you sit on my face is enough to make me very happy.”
“Sit on your face?” I echo, my eyes wide as my whole body throbs over the suggestion.
Nolan nods, his expression shifting to mild embarrassment. “I want to do this, but I’m going to need your help.” He sighs, his shoulders drooping. “If I do too much too soon, I’ll burn out before we’re done.” He grits his teeth in frustration. “If I were healthy, I’d do this differently.”
“Do you want to feed first?” I offer, pulling my hair over one shoulder.
He shakes his head. “I want our first time together to be just what we feel, not what the bite makes you feel.” His gaze shifts to mine, filled with sad defeat. “I’d understand if you want to wait or have your first time with one of the others.”
Although Felix was the one who introduced me to the guys, it was Nolan who chose to adopt me into the group. When all I knew was violence, he was the first to start breaking down my barriers and show me the healing quality of touch. It feels right that he’ll be the one I take this next step with.
