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“Not all of her,” he echoes, his gaze dropping to his hands. His fingers flex inward, as if gripping some unseen object. “I didn’t know everything you could do then. Had I restrained her instead of killing her, maybe you could have saved her.”
“Or I could have made it worse,” I reason, my entire being aching under the weight of his pain and self-doubt. “I could have made her stronger, or she might have escaped before I could try and killed a bunch of other innocent people.” My back hurts from the awkward angle I’m leaning in, but I refuse to let him go. Instead, I rest my head against the top of his shoulder. “That night, I eviscerated a man from existence. He was a bad man, but all that remains of him now is what stains my soul.”
Donovan’s chin bumps the top of my head as he looks over at me. “What do you mean ‘stains your soul?’”
“You’re not the only one who sees things that aren’t there,” I confess, sniffing back the emotion beginning to climb up my throat. “I get flashes of the old alpha’s memories. Most of them are horrible, but not all of them. He loved his mate fiercely and never stopped grieving her loss. The price for taking a soul, I guess, knowing that there’s humanity even in the most evil of people.”
“Is that what this is?” he murmurs, the tension slowly draining from his body. “The price for killing her?”
I pull back far enough to look into his tired eyes and offer him a sad smile. “If it was easy for us to take a life, then we’d be no better than them.”
“Angel, this is the rest of my life,” he states, his voice rough. “Letti isn’t going to be the only one. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I’ll go insane if this happens every time.”
Despite only recently coming into my powers, my first instinct is to turn to magic to solve his problem. However, anything I’m capable of doing would either only blanket the pain or alter him in some unforeseeable ways. I can fix a broken body, but this requires his own journey.
“Maybe the nephilim retreat is just what you need,” I suggest, even as my heart breaks at the thought of him being ripped away from me. “It’ll give you a chance to talk to other dark nephilim who’ve been through what you have. If they don’t have solutions, at the very least, you’ll know you’re not alone.”
He places a hand to his chest and flashes me a crooked smirk. “I’m never alone. You made sure of that.”
“That’s right,” I murmur, resting my forehead against his. “I’m with you always. Never forget that.”
“Never,” he echoes, turning toward me in his seat.
His hands slide underneath my shirt and up my sides as he tilts his head to kiss me. My aching soul blooms to something far sweeter under his touch, and I hum happily as his tongue enters my mouth. He tastes of cinnamon and smells of his familiar leather and musk. The combination both excites me and makes me feel safe. He is part of the foundation on which my new life is built. No matter the distance the future holds between us, we will always be a part of each other.
I brace my hands on his shoulders to keep from toppling into his lap, which leaves my upper body free for his exploration. He groans with desire as he cups me through my unpadded bra, his heated hands molding my flesh.
“Fuck, you feel good,” Donovan praises against my lips. “I want you all the damn time.”
“Enough to forget about my cooking lesson?” I tease, pressing myself into his touch.
He laughs, the gravel in his voice sending shivers down my spine. “Not a chance, but I could be persuaded to delay it for an hour or two.”
Sitting up on my knees, I peek around to find that the highway is very deserted at the moment. A reckless fire burns within me, and I give him a coy smile as I reach for the clasps of my bra underneath my shirt. “I can be very persuasive.”
His eyes zero in on my chest, bright with undiluted desire. “I’m listening.”
I slowly unhook the clasps, slip the straps from my arms, and pull my bra out from underneath my shirt. Tossing it into the back seat, I brace my hands on the center console, framing my breasts between my upper arms. “I’ve become more of a girl of action recently. I should probably just show you.”
“Alright.” He grins wide enough to show teeth as he unbuckles his seatbelt and slides his seat back. “Show me what you’ve got, angel.”
Maneuvering myself until I’m sitting in his lap with my legs draped over the center console, I press my ass into his growing erection and lead his hand under my shirt. I release a soft moan as he pinches my peaked nipple.
Fisting my fingers in his hair, I give it a slight tug and order, “Kiss me.”
“Fuck yes,” he cheers enthusiastically, right before he devours me.
Eventually, he drops the seat fully back, tugging me on top of him. Our hands roam freely, stroking and teasing over jeans and under shirts, while our tongues dance and our lips bruise from our frenzied excitement.
Time passes without meaning as we taste and taunt, playing with the line of how far am I willing to go inside the cab of his truck as occasional random cars speed past us. Donovan seems to enjoy the game, never hinting that he’s frustrated for more, and it emboldens me. I trust him, and I want to feel him skin to skin, but not on the side of the damn highway.
As I rack my brain for somewhere private we could go, my phone starts to ring a familiar tune inside the front pouch of my backpack. I want to ignore it, but it’s dark out, and my nan would kill me if I didn’t pick up. As I break away to retrieve my phone, Donovan grumbles in disappointment until such efforts to get my phone result in my boobs being smashed into his face.
“Tell whoever that is you’re busy,” he murmurs into my chest, sliding my shirt farther up my body until I’m dangerously close to flashing him.
“Behave, it’s Mildred,” I hiss, and then I answer before it has a chance to go to voicemail. “Hi, Nan.”
“Hello, darling,” she greets, her British accent softening the endearment. “I’m sorry to interrupt your date, but I got a call from that horrid woman wondering if you planned to visit Nolan this evening. I don’t know what else she possibly has to do, but she gave the impression that her time is being somehow wasted while waiting for your arrival. I told her that you were busy and reminded her that your blood was a gift, not a—”
