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It’s been just under a week since Mildred advised me to simply keep living my life, and maybe Kaleb will pull his head out of his butt if he witnesses what he’s missing out on. I don’t want to hurt him, but she’s right. The whole point of confessing how I felt was because I didn’t want to hide it anymore. Kaleb knows how I feel about him, and now it’s up to him to decide what to do with it. Besides, today isn’t about him. It’s about Connor.
With a bright smile on my face, I approach the front of the school where the guys hang out before the bell rings with a container full of chocolate and peanut butter cupcakes. Connor is the first to notice me, our mate bond acting like an overpowered bat signal, and I feel his heated interest as soon as his gaze sweeps down my body. Since it’s a special day, I decided I would try dressing up a bit—nothing too fancy, just my jean skirt, knee-high boots, and a light sweater—but I also dusted off makeup mountain, trying out a little eyeliner, mascara, and lip gloss. I even attempted to tame the wild beast that is my hair, using a variety of products to get it to lie in gentle waves.
Noticing Connor’s quick change of attention, the others follow the direction of his gaze, and each show various signs of appreciation. Donovan’s expression fills with such wicked promise that my cheeks start to burn, and my mouth goes dry. Nolan, too stubborn to stay home, is leaning against the wall next to D. He appears more alert now that he’s consuming my blood twice a day, but there’s an open hunger in his eyes that makes my skin tingle, and I miss the intimacy of feeding directly from the vein. Kaleb’s mask slips only for a moment, longing written in the way his full lips part and his warm brown eyes widen, before he shores up his walls with a friendly smile. I can’t decide if I want to smack him or kiss him stupid. Anything to shatter his tight control and reach the passionate boy underneath.
Felix releases a low whistle. “Looking good, pretty girl.”
“Thank you,” I reply, striking a pose as best as one can with full hands, and then I giggle, feeling silly and lighthearted.
It’s wonderful to see Felix so full of life—pun not intended. I know it’s been a hard transition, taking over James’s life, but I can’t stop feeling overjoyed that he’s still here with us, and that he’s mine. My heart aches with love as my eyes linger on each of them. They are all mine, and I’m theirs. After so many years of pain and loneliness, I finally belong. I’m finally loved. My eyes snag on Kaleb, and I try to ignore the bite of pain in my chest. There’s love there too, and I hope I can express it fully one day. Please, choose me. Ugh, I’m doing it again. I can brood about him later.
My smile turns shy when I stand in front of Connor and hold out the container. “Happy birthday, mi lobo.”
“Gracias, mi reina,” he replies, his voice low and soft in a way that invites a person to listen carefully to what he has to say.
His amber eyes search mine, sensing my inner turmoil, which makes me feel guilty. This is his day, and I’m ruining it. Without looking away, he passes the container to Felix, who makes a surprised yelp as he tries not to drop it. Connor then cups my face with his large hands, and with no other warning, he kisses me softly. It’s a kiss that speaks to all of the cracks in my soul, filling them with unrestrained love and desire. He wants me fully and completely without reservation. Butterflies dance in my stomach, and my head swims with the onslaught of sensations. The sweetness of the kiss starts to burn, lighting up all my nerve endings, and I reach for him, fisting his flannel. His hands slip into my hair, and a low growl vibrates in his throat.
“So we’re just doing this now—kissing in front of everyone,” Felix quips, sounding amused. “Is this like a special birthday kiss, or can we all get one? Because if it’s the latter, I’m next.”
I pull away, blushing and feeling a little dazed. Being physical with Connor in any way is always intense since the mate bond gives us what Donovan has referred to as a feedback loop—our desire for each other heightening the other’s. I’m certainly not complaining, but it’s definitely something I need to be careful of when we’re in public.
Before I answer Felix, I once again look into Connor’s eyes, silently communicating my own question. Are you okay with me kissing the others? We haven’t had a conversation about what is okay in front of each other, and I don’t want to push him if he isn’t ready. He kisses my forehead and then gestures with his head toward the others, which I take as his consent.
“You can have one too,” I tell Felix, grinning at him.
“Hold this.” Felix passes the cupcakes to Donovan, and then he rubs his hands together excitedly. “Come here, pretty girl.”
Laughter bubbles within me as I put my backpack down and then walk with an exaggerated hip sway over to him. His pale green eyes light up with playful mischief. Once I’m within reach, he sweeps me into a low back bend over his forearm and kisses me like we’re in an old Hollywood movie. My arms wrap around his neck, and I kiss him back with all the joy and happiness filling my heart.
From there, I’m passed to Donovan, the cupcakes going back to Connor. Not to be outdone, D leans down to pick me up by the backs of my bare thighs, hoisting me up so we’re eye level, and then he spins me until my back is against the brick wall. My hands immediately go to his broad shoulders, and to keep from flashing the school, I let my legs dangle, the heels of my boots knocking against the wall. He presses his heavily muscled body into mine and kisses me like we’re alone, or more accurately, like he doesn’t care who sees. It leaves me a blazing mess of unfulfilled need. With a cocky grin, he slowly puts me back down, my body dragging against his. He teases me with all that I can’t have because we’re currently in public, the jerk.
With wobbly legs, I turn to Nolan and gratefully walk into his stabilizing embrace. His smile is knowing, and he murmurs in my ear, his voice like a ribbon of black silk wrapping around over-sensitive skin. “You look beautiful, my love.”
I don’t know if he means my outfit or what being kissed thoroughly three times does to my appearance, but either way, hearing the endearment spoken so tenderly leaves me feeling soft, and a different kind of warmth blooms within me. Melting into him, I seek out his mouth. Words seem too shallow for what I want to express, so I kiss him slowly, taking my time to infuse each brush of my lips with the depth of my love. My heart feels particularly fragile in this moment, bared and open for all to see, and we’re left wide-eyed when we break apart.
The world comes back into sharp focus when I turn and find Kaleb with his teeth clenched and his eyes fixed on his shoes. In this moment, I can’t seem to do as Mildred advised. It made sense when I was complaining and frustrated, but seeing him like this, struggling and alone, I can’t ignore it. I’m in too deep. Approaching him, I place one hand on his chest, feeling the thundering beat of his heart against my palm. His gaze snaps to mine, startled and unsure, and then skitters to the others, like he’s waiting for one of them to step in. My other hand reaches for his cheek, drawing his attention back to me, and a bittersweet smile twists my lips.
Lifting up on the tips of my toes, I gently kiss the corner of his mouth and whisper, “You’re not last to me.”
He shudders but remains silent, the battle within him written in the way he stands perfectly still, his hands flexed into fists at his sides. His control is cracking, but it won’t break—not here in front of the others—but my hope lingers that what I said will sink in.
Donovan releases a frustrated groan. “For fuck’s sake, just kiss her so we can move the hell on.”
Kaleb glares at him, and whatever moment we had is gone. Stiffly, he grabs my wrists and steps back from my touch, releasing me when he’s at a safe distance. His walls grow taller and thicker, an impenetrable fortress around him. His mask is a blank slate that reveals nothing of the person inside. It makes me want to cry over the loss.
His attention shifts to Connor, and with all the forced pleasantness that comes from ignoring a person only a few feet away, he says, “I forgot that I have something I wanted to discuss with Ms. Mills before class. Happy birthday, man. Let me know what we’re doing to celebrate tomorrow.”
As he briskly walks through the school’s front doors, Mei and Rand approach our disappointed little circle.
“So he’s still out, I take it?” she comments, like it’s the continuing saga of her favorite soap opera.
I nod, staring after him in defeat and worried that I made it worse. He asked for space and time to work through his own feelings, but I also couldn’t ignore him. I love him as thoroughly and deeply as the others, and I can’t downplay that.
“Huh,” Donovan grunts, glancing at the doors. “I really expected a lecture on why it was important to think things through before committing to a poly relationship.”
Felix drags his hands down his face. “Dude, it’s not that simple for K. I know asshole is your whole MO, but maybe lay off him a bit. Badgering him to give in isn’t going to work this time.” He frowns. “It’s never worked, come to think of it.”
“Fine,” Donovan grumbles, running a hand through his short black hair. “But goddamn, he better fucking pull his head out of his ass soon. There’s only so much of his brooding I can take.”
