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“Nursery?Whatnursery?”
“Winter’spregnant.You’regoing to be an uncle!”
“Pleasetell me you’re not fucking kidding me!” he yells in excitement.Well,Iguess that answers that.Hedidn’t know.
“Nope.”
“OhmyGod!I’mgoing to be an uncle!” he yells, even more excited than he was two seconds ago.Ismile at how happy he is at the news andIknow he’s definitely going to be a kick-ass uncle, especially whenI’mgone…
“We’regoing to be uncles,”Huntersays, butting in.Ilook over at him with a smile still on my face.Yeah, the asshole will be a great uncle too.Thatbaby is going to be so blessed to have them in his or her life.
“Canwe help?”Theyboth ask in excitement and even thoughIwanted to do this alone,Idecide to let them, since they’re so happy about getting to do this for their future niece or nephew.
“Duh!What?Didyou assholes thinkI’dlet you get out of helping?”Iask with a grin on my face. “Andby the way you two are on furniture duty.Leavethe walls to me,Ihave some ideas.”
Theyeagerly agree and we instantly get to work, laughing and making jokes the entire time.Itry to appear as happy asIcan around them, hiding the deep-rooted sadness and all the pain in me becauseIwant the last few days with them to be happy ones…
* * *
It’sbeenfive days sinceIcame back home, knowing that my end was near.Ispent the last five days with the guys working on the nursery.Theyfixed all the furniture up;Imade sure to get anything she’d need, including clothes and everything else like bottles and diapers, all that fun stuff.
Igot unisex clothes sinceIdidn’t know what she was having yet.Ipainted the walls a light gray and then painted some cute baby animals on them.Iwas super proud of myself because it turned out really awesome and would fit either a girl or a boy.Ihope she loves it when she gets here.
Afterall of that was done the guys helped me decorate the treehouse too.Imade sureIhad pictures of us hanging everywhere and some cute mementos we got here and there throughout our entire relationship.
I’vegot to say the last five days were more thanIcould’ve asked for.Itried my best to act like nothing was wrong butIstill noticed that bothGrayandHunterkept giving me looks from time to time, thoughIpretended not to notice.
However, today was crunch time.Ifelt myself get choked up just thinking about it, but it will be for the best.Ijust hope she’ll be happier without me.
Iput a neutral expression on my face asIhead downstairs becauseIknow those two are probably skulking around somewhere.AndI’mright as soon asImove past the last step and head for the door, both of them are there.
“Whereare you going?”Grayasks.
“AmIon house arrest or something?Becauseyou two have been acting like my wardens or something,”Isay chuckling.
“Ifeel like we should be putting you on house arrest,”Huntergrumbles.
“Forwhat dickhead?”
“Idon’t know, butIfeel like it’s needed.”
“It’sdefinitely not needed.”
“Sowhere are you going then?”Grayquestions.
“Ineed to go see my lawyer to sign some papers regarding the company,”Itell him, lying to his face and hoping thatI’mdoing a good job of it.
“Okay.Don’ttake too long!We’reall going to the store later to get some more toys for the little nugget,” he tells me.
“Iwon’t.I’llbe back way before it’s time to leave,”Isay smiling at him. “Loveyou.”
“Loveyou too big brother,”Ihear him say asIwalk away.
Ifeel myself getting choked up again butIkeep the tears from falling.IfIthink about anything else besides whatI’mabout to do,I’llcrumble and not go through with it.Ican’t do that;I’vebeen planning it sinceIsaw her that last day.
Herwords have been echoing inside my head since that day and they won’t leave, soIknow she’ll feel safer without me here.Shewon’t have to thinkI’ma monster anymore.Withme gone she won’t have to worry about me hurting our baby.
Nowthe tears are really threatening to fall andIpull out of the driveway quickly becauseIknow if either one of them spots that shit there’s no wayI’dbe leaving to go anywhere.
