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‘Is it like this every night?’ I ask with clenched teeth.
‘He’s a little baby.’ She defends him with quiet ferocity. ‘He has no concept of time. And he’s hungry. He’s growing fast.’
There’s a proud tilt to her head. I didn’t mean to be critical, just curious. But we seem to read the worst into every interaction we have. I turn and stalk to the kitchen. Lukas can only keep growing like that as long as Talia is well rested and well-nourished herself. I grab a few crackers, slice cheese, slice an apple, make a milky hot chocolate and throw the lot onto a tray I find. It’s hardly pretty but it’s something.
I stomp—silently—back to the bedroom we’re using as his nursery. Now Talia’s curled up on the narrow bed and Lukas is in her arms. I clench my fists to ride out the urge to drop to my knees at her damned feet in awe and instead set the tray beside her so she can reach it easily.
‘I don’t need—’
‘Don’t,’ I say sharply.
She glances at me—equally sharply—and says nothing more.
I lean back against the wall and glare at her. She sighs heavily, rolls her eyes and grudgingly picks up a cheese-topped cracker. My muscles don’t ease any until she’s onto her third. She sips the warm milky chocolate.
Eventually she puts him back into the small bassinet. He stirs and she rests her hand on him for a moment of reassurance. Then she straightens and silently steps out of the room. I follow her. Before I think I reach out and take her arm, turning her to face me. In the dim light of the hallway her eyes are huge. They draw me in—so rich and unfathomable.
Desire engulfs me. Paralyses me. She basically hid my son from me. Because of her I’ve missed out on so much. But her soft skin is beneath my fingertips and I can’t resist stroking her lightly with my thumb. Just the once. I see her skin flush, hear her breathing race. Her response is instant—just like that night in the gondola.
I can’t speak. I just stare at her and inwardly battle the overpowering desire to pull her close and kiss her and touch her everywhere.
‘You don’t have to get up every time he cries,’ she mumbles.
Rejection. Denial. Again. It’s as aggravating as hell that she won’t let me help her.
‘You do.’ I flinch. ‘You have. For months.’
As she stares up at me something changes in her expression. Her whole body seems to tremble. ‘I’m sorry.’
The words I’ve been waiting for all day finally emerge from her but weirdly I don’t want to hear them. Not now. Because they make me feel something—want something—that I know in my bones is dangerous. I’m suddenly, sharply vulnerable. I cannot trust her. I cannot take her in my arms. But I’m so tempted. Frustration is an inferno.
‘Go to bed,’ I growl.
I release her too roughly. I almost push her away. I have to because in the next heartbeat I’d have hauled her close and damned myself.
Her swift steps are silent on the soft carpet. Her door closes with the faintest click. The speed with which she leaves me is both relief and agony.
I slowly uncurl my fist—holding back from grabbing her again has my hand cramping. I have no idea how I’m going to get through this.
CHAPTER NINE
Talia
I SLEPT BADLY and it wasn’t because Lukas had woken more than once. Dain had been thoughtful—grumpy, but thoughtful—in the middle of the night. I wasn’t able to get back to sleep at all because the reality of my position is very clear. It’s taken less than twenty-four hours back in his presence and I’m willing to do almost anything he wants. I don’t deserve his attention but I want it. And last night—for a moment—I had it. But he stepped back right at the moment I would’ve surrendered. He doesn’t want me any more. Or maybe he doesn’t want to want me. And he doesn’t trust me.
But I’m going to go with Dain to Australia. I’m going to agree to almost anything he wants to ensure Lukas has the best from us both. Because Lukas comes first. But it’s not only Lukas depending on me, I have Ava too and I have to do my best for her as well. If I leave she’ll be alone. Which means taking a risk. Enraging Dain seems less terrifying now I’ve seen him with Lukas.
He’s interested in his son and he wants the best for him. Yep, he might’ve had some tough times in his own childhood that he doesn’t want to open up about, but he wants to protect Lukas from anything similar. Fine by me. It’s awful to admit, but I’m actually a little jealous of the way he looks at Lukas, how carefully he held him. I need to get over that. And knowing I don’t have his trust, I figure I might as well do the worst and hopefully ensure Ava is okay as well.
I find him sitting at the kitchen table. There’s a coffee beside him and the remnants of an omelette on a plate. My heart thunders and I feel cold, but I do the thing I promised myself I never would.
‘You said you’re a billionaire.’ My voice cracks. I clear my throat and make myself continue. ‘Is it all tied up in assets or do you have access to cash?’
Surprise lights his eyes. ‘I can access cash. Why?’ He cocks his head and surveys me steadily. ‘How much do you need?’
I don’t hesitate. ‘Quarter of a million.’
‘Uh...’ He does hesitate. Briefly. ‘No more, no less?’
