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I suddenly want to leave, and hear everything on his mind and talk for hours if we need to talk for hours, but I like us as a couple with Cat and Reese. I like how normal and right that now feels. He does too, I see it in his eyes, but I think we both know that one of the best things we can do together right now is get back to a normal life. We need normal. We need things like pizza with Cat and Reese. I take his hand. “Let’s go plan world domination,” I say, laughing.
“Why are you laughing?” he asks, draping his arm around my shoulders as we start walking.
“Because I just had this mental dialogue about how good getting back to normal is, and then I said ‘let’s go plan world domination.’”
“Isn’t that normal?” He laughs.
“Our normal,” I say. “And I like it.”
“Me too, sweetheart,” he agrees, kissing me a moment before we head into the living room where the walls are windows, and the newly minted night sky is speckled with city lights. Reese is standing at one of those windows, and Cat is just returning from the door. “Another case that the DA let go,” she says as we all sit down, me and Cole on a couch, while Reese grabs a chair, and Cat goes down on her jean-clad knees in front of the coffee table. “This paperwork is related to a case that proves the DA is all about the DA. An innocent man was charged and two more victims died before the DA finally looked for another suspect.”
Cole leans forward, on alert now. “Sounds like you’re launching a war against the DA.”
“Someone needs to,” Cat says, “but that’s what I wanted to talk to everyone about tonight.” The doorbell rings. “And that will be the pizza.”
“I’ll grab it,” Reese says. “But hold that thought, Cat. I want to be a part of this conversation.”
“How long ago was the case?” Cole asks.
“Two years ago,” she says. “Someone the DA got off without any damage. No one sued. Not even the guy who was charged and put through hell.”
“Sounds like a payoff to me,” Cole says. “Have you looked for a money trail?”
“Not yet,” Cat replies. “After writing the article about the DA mishandling your client, I got a tip on this from an anonymous source. I’m just digging in, but so far I think it’s a legitimate story.”
Reese returns with two large boxes and paper plates. “What did I miss?” he asks.
“I just told them about the tip I got,” Cat says. “As for war, I want to take him down. He’s supposed to protect people. He’s not, but if I do take him down, I risk making the firm a target. He could come at every case you represent in ridiculously harsh ways.”
I want to jump in and dismiss the risk. This has to happen, the DA has to go down, but this firm is Cole and Reese’s blood and sweat. And so, I suck in air and I wait while Cat and I share a look of understanding. This is on our men to decide. It has to be, to be fair to them. Cole looks at Reese and they have a silent exchange that is short but intense before they share a nod. “We’re doing this, then,” Reese says. “Let’s eat and talk about ruling the world that will be better minus a dirty DA.”
I reach over and take Cole’s hand and when he looks at me, I know my eyes are warm. He notices, his head tilting, a curious look in his eyes; a question I’ll answer later when I assure him his demons are not winning. He is. He already won his own. We won. He just doesn’t see it yet.
Cole
Normal.
That word stays with me the rest of the night while we visit with Cat and Reese. I want normal, I want to settle back in with Lori, but I don’t want a version of normal where she feels she has to be the same super-human she was when she met me. I don’t want a normal that includes that armor with me. And I did that to her with my box of fucking demons. In my need to protect her, I made her try to protect me. I’m going to fix that, and I’m going to start down that path tonight.
Well-fed and wined, we slip into the back of a hired car, and I pull her close, my hand on her leg. I never thought about kids until tonight, but with Lori, I want it all. Everything. Despite the punch in my chest when that test was negative, I’m grateful that she’s not pregnant yet. We need to learn us first. We need to get past this one damn case that hasn’t fully let us go, and travel a few more, just because we can. Because we’re us.
We don’t speak on the ride home, but the awareness between us is that palpable intense awareness I have known with no one but Lori. It’s like a burn that slowly consumes, demands, even takes, but you give yourself to it willingly. And that’s where I need Lori, where I almost had her, but she’s pulled back, and neither of us even saw it happen. That’s how much I was focused on how that attack affected me. What it made me feel when I was never what was important.
We arrive at the building and I help her exit, pulling her to me, my hands on her waist as I kiss her. “We’re home. Our home.”
“Yes,” she whispers. “Our home.”
I lace my fingers with hers and we start walking when my cellphone buzzes with a text. I fight the urge to throw the damn thing, but I snake it from my pocket and read the message from Royce while we cross the lobby. Once we’re at the elevator, and actually, in the car, I stick my phone back into my pocket. “That was from Royce,” I say, keying in our floor. “He says there’s more to Ashley’s ex than meets the eye. He might be CIA. He can’t get a straight answer.”
“CIA?” Lori asks incredulously. “That’s unexpected. At least that means he’s not dangerous.”
“Royce said CIA doesn’t mean he’s not dirty or dangerous. We should hold for more information. We’re not telling Ashley yet. He wants to wait. We’ll know more in the morning.” The elevator dings and we enter. “And now we’re really home.” I take her hand. “Come on.” The minute I’m touching her again, the air is charged between us. I lead her down the hallway and once we’re in the apartment, we leave our bags behind and I have her hand again, with one destination in mind: our bedroom.
We walk there in silence, and I know she can tell there is more on my mind than undressing. I guide her into the bedroom, but not to the bed. I walk us to the floor-to-ceiling window, and I pull her in front of me, the city lights dotting the inky sky. My hands cage her, and hers rest on the glass. I nuzzle her neck, inhale her scent, and I want to ask questions. I want to ask her how that attack made her feel. What she feels. What she fears. But I know Lori. She felt she had to be strong for me, and she built that damn wall again, that I had to have Reese jolt me into seeing that. The wall has to come down and without knowing it that first night when I spanked her, I had torn a piece of it down. I made her feel safe when she wouldn’t normally feel safe. I have to make her vulnerable. I have to make her safe in that vulnerability and that means taking her someplace we haven’t been. That means pushing her limits, tearing down her guard.
I sit down on the chair behind us. She turns to face me, leaning on the glass, a question in the silence between us that I answer with a soft command. “Undress, Lori.”
Chapter seventy-one
