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42
Cooper
Lizzy and I are in the midst of serving the pizza we picked up on the way home from her friend’s house when she drops a bomb on me.
“I miss Trix. Friday nights aren’t the same without her here. Her character’s just sitting there in the game waiting.” Lizzy sighs.
“We can play if you want.” I knew she was upset, but she’d been quiet, and I hadn’t wanted to press her to share more if she didn’t want to.
“I love you, but it’s not the same. She likes doing all the side quests you hate. Sometimes we just spend hours in the little towns collecting things.” A small smile erupts despite the sadness there.
“I can spend some time sightseeing in the towns if you want.” I offer, studying her carefully.
“And then make sundaes with me while we talk about hair masks and our favorite skin care regimens?”
“Sure, why not?” I grin despite myself.
She gives me a look that tells me I’m not impressing her.
“I know you miss Trix, but you know why she’s not here.” I hedge.
“I know. She wants us safe. I understand, but I still miss her.”
“I’m sure she misses you too.”
“Do you miss her?” She lifts a piece of pepperoni onto her plate and looks up at me.
“Of course I miss her,” I answer, trying not to let how much I miss her seep into my tone when I say the words.
“Were you ever going to ask her to be your girlfriend?”
I nearly drop the piece of pizza as I put it on my plate and manage to catch it before it tumbles to the floor. I grab a napkin and wipe my hands and the counter before I look up at Lizzy. The look on her face says everything—that I’m completely and utterly transparent and always have been.
“I did ask her.”
“She said no?” Her tone is incredulous.
“She said yes, but then everything happened right after. We didn’t get a chance to tell you. It was kind of over before it really started,” I say softly, thinking back to the feel of her fingers wrapped tightly around mine, and wondering if I’m really going to have to go the rest of my life never feeling that again.
“Over? For good?” she asks, and I can hear the sadness in her tone.
“I don’t know.” I can’t explain to Lizzy all the nuanced details of this, how complicated this all was to begin with before there was a stalker, and an angry mom, and photos of the two of us sent to an entire football team.
“I know you don’t like relationships, but I thought Trix was different for you. You seemed so different around her. So happy.”
“Trix is different. But sometimes that’s not enough. You’ll understand better when you’re older. Sometimes different isn’t enough.”
“You didn’t love her then?” Lizzy looks at me thoughtfully, and I can tell she’s genuinely trying to figure out why things didn’t work, but answering her questions feels like I’m breaking my own heart all over again.
“I do love her.”
“Oh.” She says the word softly, and then she stands and wraps her arms around me, pulling me tight in a bear hug. I wrap my arms around her and kiss the top of her head. I can feel the tears burning down my throat, and I’m desperate to choke them back. “You’re allowed to be sad, Dad. I’m not going to stop thinking you’re a badass just because you cry in front me. I wish you would, honestly. It’d make me feel better. I’ve cried a few times over her being gone.”
“What?” I pull back and look down at Lizzy. “I didn’t realize. I mean, I knew you were disappointed she left, but you could have told me you were that upset.”
“I wasn’t sure what happened between you. Whose side I was supposed to be on. I’m always on your side. But if you broke Trix’s heart…”
“Oh god, Liz. You can always tell me how you’re feeling. You don’t have to protect my feelings.”
