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I loved him.
With every facet of my being. Every atom that made up my body yearned for him. Every beat of my heart thumped with agonizing want.
But he’d returned to his home, something I could never be for him no matter how badly I wished otherwise. I already fought hard for Jacqueline’s affections and couldn’t begin to imagine the fallout if she learned about my sexuality. Memories of Nancy’s pain over that whole affair promised an emotional upheaval I wouldn’t be able to handle.
Staying in the closet wasn’t what I would wish on any person, but as a Casswell, I didn’t feel I had a choice.
When Drake had left New York, we’d kept in touch for a few months. But eventually, he’d fallen off the map. I’d reached out to him a few times my senior year, but he rarely answered with more than one-worded replies. Eventually, I got the hint.
He’d moved on even though I hadn’t.
Insecurities pushed me to believe I’d meant nothing to him, that the connection between us had been nothing but the fairy tale of a pimply-faced nerd. A dream made up for me to find solace and strength in order to make it through the toughest years of my existence.
College had proved easier.
I had needed to be near Drake even though I couldn’t have him in the way I wished, so even though I’d been accepted to a few Ivy League colleges across the country, I’d chosen Harvard. I’d finally been physically free at least from Jacqueline, as I’d started referring to my biological mother at her insistence my final year of high school.
Nancy became Mom in my eyes, the nurturing woman who’d taken the place of the person in my life who had never loved me unconditionally, nor would she ever if she became aware of my truth. Nancy had no problem with me being gay. Knew of my longing for Drake. Hugged me every time I’d cried over losing him.
But still—I craved for Jacqueline to accept me. Love me. See me as more than just a weak man in the Casswell line.
It wasn’t until I’d graduated college that something had finally gone my way.
Jacqueline had seemed to take a turn in her thought processes, recognizing the fact I would never be enough to sit upon the Casswell Global throne. While, yeah, her admittance to that hurt like hell, I’d been thrilled to hear she planned to have someone else take over as CEO when she was ready to step down.
Drake hadn’t been at my graduation or heard the news that had given me immense relief—because he’d been working, too busy to be there for me. It had been six years since he’d driven away from New York and out of my life.
Yet another thing to lament and wish had gone differently.
Jacqueline had requested both of our presences at her and Devlin’s new luxury loft in Tribeca, same as she did at least once a year. Last I’d heard, Drake finally agreed to attend, so I had too. She and Devlin had one spare bedroom, but I had zero intent of staying overnight like Jacqueline insisted on.
Nancy had a room waiting for me where she lived with her boyfriend, Michael.
Knowing I would be uncomfortable being in Jacqueline’s presence while waiting for Drake to arrive, I’d decided to be late. A half hour, an unacceptable amount of time that would lead to Jacqueline being pissy as hell.
She would have something to focus on rather than the fact I would be shaking in my shoes and probably acting like a lovesick fool over my stepbrother. I planned to keep my cell in my back pocket while sitting at the table too, just in case I needed further distractions from how I would salivate over Drake.
“I’ve got this,” I whispered to myself the same words I always did whenever facing an event that turned my stomach inside out. A swipe of my palms down my pants and I rapped smartly on the wood separating me from the one I could never have.
The door yanked open.
Jacqueline glared at me. “Preston.” She pursed her lips, her tone as annoyed as I’d expected. “You’re late.”
“Sorry, Jacqueline,” I murmured, dropping my gaze to the hardwood floor.
She spun on her heels without a proper greeting. Not that I’d expected otherwise. In the few times I’d seen her since I’d left New York for Boston, she’d definitely taken to and appreciated my coolness at having become an adult in the world she’d grown up in.
God forbid we show affection or display our emotions freely in front of others.
I could sense Drake’s presence before I laid eyes on him, but Jacqueline’s husband approached. He hadn’t aged a bit, still an older version of the dark-haired, blue-eyed man of my dreams and just as kind.
Devlin greeted me with a firm handshake and a grin. At least Jacqueline’s snobbish attitude hadn’t changed his easygoing nature. He was decent enough to notice I wasn’t exactly comfortable around Jacqueline, but he never stuck up for me, which would stir her wrath. I couldn’t blame the man, but I liked him all the same. “Good to see you, son.”
I nodded, cringing at the label he’d given me even though no adoption had taken place. “Devlin,” I managed.
At least my voice no longer cracked or words proved difficult for me to stutter through.
“Dinner is served,” Jacqueline snipped, and movement in my periphery caused my already accelerated heartbeat to spin out of control.
