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Chapter fourteen
I paused to compose myself, not wanting my voice to break. “What’s wrong, Nathan? Are you jealous?”
Nathan’s face turned to one of complete and utter anger, then within seconds it washed away and became that unreadable mask I had come to know so well. He sat back in his chair and smiled ruefully, his words coming out like poison, his tone ice cold.
“Jealous? Of that waiter? Of you flirting with him? I don’t think so, Rose. You know what you are to me and there are plenty of women out there who would gladly take your place. You’re not the only woman who looks good in a tight black dress and a Wonderbra.”
I felt like I’d been slapped across the face, in fact, I think I would have preferred to have been slapped, then to have Nathan speak to me the way he just did. That was not the response I’d been expecting. I had wanted him to say yes. Or at least say that he didn’t want me to be with anyone else. That there was no one like me. But I knew now that it was never going to happen, that I was wasting my time trying to get anything even close to love out of Nathan Davenport.
“Well, why are you fighting so hard to keep me in your life, Nathan?” I bit out, becoming angry myself. “Go and find yourself one of those brainless women who you can use and throw away. I do not want to be with you if that’s all you’re looking for.”
Nathan paused while the waiter brought over a bottle of wine. The waiter poured us both a glass and quietly walked away, obviously reading the tension between us.
“I enjoy a challenge, Rose. It keeps me on my toes,” he smiled. “I like winning and I know that you cannot resist me, no matter how hard you try.”
“Am I worth the challenge, Nathan?” I pushed, hoping to catch him out.
“The sex is good, great even. I’m physically attracted to you,” he stated simply.
“I still don’t understand how you can want a relationship with someone based only on physical attraction? I’m not asking you to love me but at least show that you care in some way. Commit to only me. You just told me that I’m nothing. Completely replaceable. What’s wrong with you?”
“Your little stunt before just proved why, Rose. Relationships of any other kind don’t work, everything always comes back to physical attraction. I just cut the crap and deal with the physical stuff. No one gets hurt.”
I looked into Nathan’s eyes and softly shook my head. I felt sorry for him having such a negative take on love and relationships. “Everyone gets hurt when you don’t care about anyone, Nathan. In the end everyone eventually goes home alone.”
It must have dawned on Nathan what I was doing, I could see the look in his eyes change. He’d been in too much of a rage to realise before. He knew I wasn’t interested in the waiter. I wasn’t even doing this to make him mad. I was trying to get him to see his true feelings, to make him jealous enough to make him fight for me. I just knew there were feelings there between us. There was something more than sex.
The waiter brought out our meals and I smiled at him, but my heart wasn’t in it anymore. Nathan had made his feelings very clear and I would have to learn to accept it. The waiter seemed to sense the change of mood at the table, because he put our meals down in front of us and quietly walked away.
Nathan and I ate our dinner in silence. When we’d finished Nathan suggested we walk back to the hotel to get some fresh air. I agreed because I needed more time to think about what had just happened between us.
It was a beautiful balmy night and I would never have even guessed it was winter in Hawaii if I hadn’t already known. As Nathan and I walked along the sidewalk I drew in a deep breath of salty air that helped to clear my head. The whole island still had a calming effect on me and I felt some of my tension melt away. Everything was so relaxed and peaceful, even on the busy main street people just seemed to go with the flow.
Nathan glanced down at me as we walked. I wondered if he noticed me breath in deeply, trying to calm myself. Was he feeling guilty about how he had spoken to me at the restaurant? He’d gone too far and I hoped he knew it. I know I wanted more from him than he was able to give but if he just gave me something I’d be able to try to stick around.
He’d been angry for so long now that it became an instant reaction to behave the way he did. To never show you care, because your heart will always be broken. I knew he felt it wasn’t worth the trouble or the pain.
“Rose, I want to talk about what I said before,” Nathan said as we walked down by the beach.
“No need. You had every right to say what you’re feeling,” I shrugged, looking at my feet.
“No, I didn’t. I overreacted and went too far. I shouldn’t have been so rude to you.”
I glanced up at him. “Well, why were you?”
Nathan sighed and rubbed at his chin. “I was jealous, okay? I told you I don’t want to share you with anyone and I meant it.”
“You don’t want me but nobody else can have me either? What if I don’t want to share you?”
“It’s not that black and white.”
I shook my head. “I think you’re making this much harder than it needs to be.”
“This is as easy as it can get at the moment, Rose. I don’t want a relationship with anyone, I’ve told you that before. But I don’t want you out of my life either.”
“So I can’t have a relationship? I’m supposed to wait around for you get bored of me?”
