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Growing up with an emotionally closed-off mother who gave out praise in tiny sips, and usually only when it served her, and a father who was more inclined to point out the ways I failed had left me aching for approval.
Once I was old enough to date, that need for approval and praise left me susceptible to men who used lavish praise at the beginning of our relationships to sucker me into believing they loved me, before withholding that praise to manipulate and gaslight me.
It was a horrible cycle I couldn’t seem to escape, and after my last boyfriend did a real number on my self-esteem, I’d given up on dating altogether. It’d been well over two years since I’d had a boyfriend, and I didn’t plan on changing that any time soon. Not with my track record and pathetic inability to recognize a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
“Riley,” Catherine prompted. “Who are you choosing?”
“Oh, um… give me a minute,” I said as I frantically scrolled through the profiles for a third time. Most of the men were in their fifties or sixties, and eight of the twelve had a hard look in their eyes that made me nervous. Bending to their will because I was afraid not to wasn’t what I wanted.
I wanted to be someone’s… good girl because I wanted to please them, not because I was terrified.
I should just pick a woman, right? Except the idea of getting on my knees for a woman while she told me I was her good girl did nothing for me. I wouldn’t be able to keep up the charade, and then she’d complain to Celeste and Catherine, and I would definitely be fired from the agency.
“We need a decision,” Catherine said, her voice still kind but firm.
“Is there, um, anyone else I could look at it?” I asked.
Catherine gave me a level look. “If you expanded your list, you would have more to choose from. It would also increase your fee and give you a higher payout.”
“You mean if I’m willing to have sex with them,” I said.
Celeste winced. “Darling, please. You know we use the term personal time.”
“Right,” I said. The contract I signed was very clear that sex was not something the agency offered to clients, but agreeing to spend personal time with the client gave a woman an obscenely large boost in payment. And while Celeste and Catherine had never once alluded to it being sex, I wasn’t stupid. Naive, but not stupid.
“I’ve checked off nudity, hand, and oral… personal time,” I said. “You said that was enough for plenty of your clients.”
“It is,” Catherine said. “I’ve given you a list of nearly fifteen to choose from. All I’m saying is that if you alter your list, you’ll have another thirty to choose from.”
I hesitated before shaking my head. I might be willing to get on my knees for some stranger, let him see me nude, finger me, and suck his cock, but I couldn’t fuck him. I just couldn’t.
Even if it means your mother dies?
I winced. It wouldn’t come to that. The amount I would earn between my day job and this would be enough. It had to be.
“Oh,” Celeste said, pressing one hand to her gaudily coloured chest. “There is another we could offer her.”
“Who?” Catherine asked.
“Mr. Steele,” Celeste said.
“What? He’s finished with us, Celeste.” I could hear the surprise in Catherine’s normally unflappable voice.
“Actually, I’ve been in regular contact with him since the messy business with Eloise, and I’ve worked hard to convince him this would never happen again. It’s taken some time, but he’s willing to give us a second chance.”
“I’m not sure we should,” Catherine said.
“If we don’t, our perfect record will be broken,” Celeste said. “I don’t want that, and I know you don’t either. This is our chance to continue guaranteeing one hundred percent satisfaction to all our clients.”
Celeste eyed me up and down as I hovered over the iPad. “I think Riley would be perfect for him. She has the look he loves and, even better, she’s trainable, and Mr. Steele loves the challenge of newbies.”
I flinched, biting back my “I’m not a dog” retort. Truthfully, I was brand new to this, and it might be better to have someone more accepting of the mistakes I was bound to make.
“The sex thing will be an issue,” Catherine said.
“It won’t,” Celeste said. “He’s altered his preferences to no sex. Probably because of the Eloise mess.”
Catherine’s usually stoic face actually showed some emotion. “This could work. This could work very well, in fact, to get us back into his good graces.”
