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“Yeah, it does,” I said.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry for judging you, for not listening to you, for accusing you of manipulating me. It wasn’t fair of me to do that.”
“I didn’t want to charge you anymore,” I said. “I wanted to be with you because I…”
“Because you what?” he asked.
Fuck it, I was tired of pretending. “Because I fell in love with you.”
He stared silently at me, and I shrugged. “I know I shouldn’t have. I know you don’t feel the same, but I couldn’t help it. I fell ridiculously and hopelessly in love with you, and I hated that you were paying me to be with you, to fuck you. But I needed the money, and I couldn’t stand the thought of booking with someone else at the agency, not when I was in love with you.”
“Baby, I…”
“But I should have been truthful with you. I should have asked you if we could date for real, and I should have quit the agency and found someplace else to work that didn’t involve me getting on my damn knees. But I didn’t, and that’s on me.”
“No, baby.” He stepped forward and cupped my face, staring intently at me. “Don’t do that. None of this is your fault. You did what you had to do to help your family, and that’s… that’s noble.”
“Yeah,” I said with a snort, “fucking for money is so noble.”
“You did what you had to do,” he repeated. “I’m the asshole for judging you and for thinking you were anything other than what you are - an amazing, incredible woman who sacrifices everything for the people she loves.”
He rubbed his thumb across my sore bottom lip before sighing and dropping his hand. I immediately missed his touch, and when I made a weird half-lurch toward him, he quickly pulled me up against him, wrapped his arms around my waist, and kissed my forehead. “This isn’t an excuse for my behaviour, but it might explain my reaction if I tell you about Eloise.”
“Tell me,” I said. “I want to know.”
CHAPTER 37
Riley
Holding me tight, Deacon said, “I met Eloise through the agency. She was a newbie like you, and while we didn’t have an instant connection like you and I did, eventually, we grew close.”
He paused, “Hell, that isn’t accurate. I fell in love with her. At that point, we’d been playing together for a year, but she was a stickler for the rules. If I wanted to see her, I booked through the agency. She told me she was in love with me, too, but that she…”
“What?” I asked.
“She had to keep booking with other men because she needed the money. So, I started booking her three times a week and at least two weekends a month, sometimes three.”
“Jesus,” I said, “how much money did you spend?”
“A lot,” he admitted. “But it was worth it to me because I was in love with her, and I also knew that if I booked her that much, she wouldn’t book with anyone else.”
“Why did she need money?” I asked.
“At the time, she told me her ex had run up her credit cards and spent all her savings, and she was trying to pay off the debt.”
His body had gone stiff against me, and I rubbed his back. “You don’t have to tell me the rest, Deacon.”
“I want to,” he said. “Eloise knew it bothered me that I paid for every… encounter with her. I’ll admit I pushed for more, pushed her to break the rules. She gave me her cell number, and we started talking outside the play sessions. Every once in a while, she would…”
He paused, a bitter chuckle escaping his mouth. “She would throw me a freebie. She’d spend a night with me that I didn’t book through the agency, or she’d meet me downtown for lunch. A few times, we went on real dates, and Eloise would talk about how she hated charging me and wished she could quit the agency.”
He swallowed, and I could hear his throat clicking. “I believed Eloise loved me, and I wanted to marry her. So, I told her I would pay off the rest of her debt so we could be together for real. I had more than enough money, right? Why wouldn’t I do that for the woman I loved?”
“She took your money and then stopped booking with you, didn’t she?” My voice was thin with anger.
“She did,” he said, “I found out that her ex wasn’t her ex. She’d been with him the entire time, and they’d devised the scheme together.”
“Oh, Deacon.” I cupped his face. “I’m sorry she did that to you.”
