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Maybe even never.
Chapter 23
Erick
Chilled beer lightly seared my throat as I knocked back my second drink of the night. Country music rumbled through the bar’s speakers, mingling with the casual voices of the other patrons. Once I set my half-drunken glass bottle down, I glanced to my left and right where my brothers sat.
“Great to be home. I guess,” I said.
Emmett merely grunted as he stared at his third bottle of beer that the bartender just placed in front of him. He took a long sip, not even bothering to answer. That was enough of a reply.
“I really haven’t done much of anything since getting back,” Elijah admitted. “Went to the gym a few times. Ate at McDonald’s by myself. That was more depressing than usual.”
Typically, I would’ve chuckled at a comment like that, but it was hard to laugh when I had been feeling just as isolated.
“I’m used to eating alone,” Emmett replied, but his eyes seemed distant. Sure, we were all used to being single and being independent, but we didn’t miss a woman like this. We didn’t picture something different. Something we wanted.
“I just haven’t felt like doing anything. I had some old college buddies reach out when they heard I was back in town, but I don’t feel like hitting a club or even playing a basketball game,” I muttered as I tapped my fingertip against the side of my bottle. Nothing interested me.
Nothing but her.
“I wonder how Brianna is doing,” Elijah spoke up, saying all of our thoughts out loud.
We hadn’t spoken about Brianna since we got back home, but that didn’t mean we weren’t all thinking about her. She slipped into my mind when I least expected it. When I was making breakfast in the morning. Taking in the peace of nature on my back porch. Lying in bed at night as the television played some crime show.
She was always there in the back of my mind, demanding my attention. My affection. I wanted to give them to her so badly, but she was miles away with her husband. That was where she belonged.
“She and David are probably doing well,” Emmett replied in a gruff voice. “That’s all that matters.”
“Of course,” Elijah said in a quieter voice than before. He then sighed. “I just miss being around her.”
“Yeah, me too,” I agreed. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like her before.”
Emmett remained quiet for a few seconds before finally speaking.
“I never thought I’d feel something so deep for a woman again, but… that changed with her,” he admitted. He didn’t look us in the eyes, though, his voice adorned with guilt. “It shouldn’t have, though.”
“Can’t help how you feel. None of us can,” I reminded him, not wanting him to feel even worse than he already did. We all felt guilty about feeling something for our captain’s wife, but guilt didn’t erase the feelings.
I didn’t know what could.
“But we can control what we do,” Emmett pointed out before sipping on his beer again. “I dealt with a marriage that fell apart. It tore me up inside, and I don’t want that for them.”
“They both seemed fine with letting people into the bedroom, though,” Elijah said with a frown on his face.
“They didn’t agree to any of us catching feelings,” I told him before releasing a slow exhale and shaking my head. “They agreed to the sex. David was cool with it, but I doubt he’d be fine with the guys in his unit having feelings for his wife. That’s a whole other line to cross.”
“You’re right,” Elijah murmured as he lowered his head. “I don’t want to drive them apart, and I don’t want our unit to suffer either.”
“I know we all care about her and it’s more than just sex, but I think it’s too risky to do anything about our feelings,” Emmett told us as his eyes swept over both of us. “It could hurt their marriage, and we could lose David’s trust.”
After a moment, Elijah and I both nodded in agreement. That was the best, most responsible thing to do, right? We had to put others before ourselves, no matter how badly we wanted something.
Or someone.
“So, no contact. We don’t reach out to her. We just go about our lives and wait until the next mission,” I said. “That means no sulking. Go out and see your civilian friends. Hell, buy something cool if it makes you happy.”
“I doubt she’ll be on the next mission. We won’t have to worry about… getting hooked again,” Elijah replied, his voice almost sounding pained.
I missed her so much that even the thought of letting her break my heart was better than this numb sensation that clouded my chest and head. It felt like I was floating, but it wasn’t in a good way like I was gliding among clouds. It was like I was drifting away into endless space, unable to tether myself down.
