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He tosses the envelope onto his desk. “You’re not right. It’s not happening to us, and it won’t. We’re good together, Jess. You know we are. Not just with work but personally. Are you really going to stand there and tell me you don’t have feelings for me?”
“Sean, please don’t make this harder than it already is,” I say and sidestep him, trying to move closer to the door in the process. “It’s my decision to sell, and it’s my decision to move. It’ll be better for both of us in the long run.”
“Running away is never the answer.”
“It is when you need to protect yourself.”
“From what? And who? Me?”
Yes, you. I want to say, but I don’t.
As if he heard my thoughts, he says, “You don’t need to protect yourself from me, Jess. You never have.”
Of course I have.
I’ve had to protect myself from the beginning—or at least I should have. I thought I could keep our relationship separate from work. I thought I could handle this, him, but it’s clear that I can’t.
I never want to feel the devastation I felt when I overheard that phone call or read the fax.
This isn’t just about him. This is about me and how I’m clearly not over what happened with my ex. I’m not gonna put Sean through my issues, and I’m not gonna let my trauma affect him.
It’s clear that I still have a lot of things to work out, and it would make everything easier if we went back to the way things were before I knocked on his door for the first time.
When we didn’t even know each other’s names.
When we didn’t know we existed.
“I need to protect myself from myself,” I say. “It’s not just about you, Sean. I have to do what’s best for me.”
The silence between us thickens, and we seem unable to look away from each other. His eyes look so sad, and I hate myself for thinking it, for noticing it.
My heart hurts, more than I think it’s ever hurt before, which only strengthens my resolve.
“I need to go,” I say, backing up toward the door. “Everything should be in that envelope. If you need something else, my lawyer’s contact info is inside, and they will make sure it gets to me.”
“Jess, no. Don’t go. I haven’t given up on all those plans we made. Please don’t give up yet. You can still be a co-owner. I’d rather work together as equals than as your boss. I will protect you, if that’s the last thing I do. There can be an ‘us.’ There needs to be an ‘us.’”
I don’t know what to say to that.
It sounds too good to be true, and I’m still too emotional. It could be so easy to give in. So easy to let myself be drawn in by him once more. But I’m a mess of emotions, and I’ve already made up my mind. His father would not rest. The board would not rest. Nothing good could possibly come out of this relentless turmoil.
“Thanks for everything,” I tell him, reaching for the door as he takes a step toward me. “Goodbye, Sean.”
I’m out the door and out of his office before he can say anything else. I can feel him following me, but he pauses in the waiting room. Either he doesn’t want to continue the private conversation where somebody could hear, or he’s unwilling to keep following me, I’m not sure. It doesn’t matter.
I don’t think I breathe properly until I fully leave the building. Once I step out onto the sidewalk, I take a deep cleansing breath and slowly exhale.
I’m confident I’ve made the right decision.
As difficult as it was to sign over my half of the hotels, I try to look on the bright side. So many of the things that have kept me up at night will no longer be on my plate. I can just focus on running the day-to-day and looking for a new place to live, at least for a little while.
And who knows? I’m sure I’ll find something that means as much to me as WH does, or even more. At least I hope I will.
I’m trying to look on the bright side, but for the first time in my life, I can’t.
It hurts too much right now.
Instead of going to Swayze’s, I head back home.
