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I hated that stupid fucking nickname.
My hair was naturally blonde, a gift from the white fatherthat I’dnever known.Wouldnever know because he’d died in a car accident a year after I was born.
“We’re going to fuck you so hard, Golds,” Baby smiledhiseyes darting over me and hovering over my mouth.
“Won’t be today,” Trevor said.
“Or even tomorrow…” Eric leaned down and caressed my lips. “But when she’d dead, you belong to us. The old man won’t lift a finger to save you.”
The door to the basement opened, and their eyes grew wide. Relief flooded me, and I managed to dash past Teresathehousekeeper. She tried to call after me, but I didn’t stop.
That night, I went to the hospital, and I kissed my mother goodbye. I’d waited for Carl tocome out ofthe room before going in. He wasn’t that great of a manbuthe did love her. He’d never left my mother’s side after her diagnosis.
The room she was in had cards and flowers from well-wishers. My nose had wrinkled immediately because the floral smell was so strong. I stood by the window until I saw Carl walking along theedge of the sidewalk, smoking a cigarette.
Idiot,I’d thought.
Walking over to my mother, the machinery in the room beeping with every breath she seemed to take.
“Mommy,” I’d gently shaken her.
She’d stirred, her eyes fluttering weakly. Guilt rammed itself in my gut.
Guilt for waking her up and guilt for leaving…
“HeySugar Lump,” she’d smiled, her lips red and raw from crackling.
“Mommy, I had to see you before I go.”
She reached up to touch my face, confusion clouding her eyes. “School in the morning?”
My reply had been soft, and for the second time today,I was fighting back tears.“Yes, mommy.”
“Carl can take you home,” she’d whispered.
“No, that’s okay. I just wanted to say…”
My words faltered because there was no way in hell I could utter them to her.
“Say what, sweetie?”
I shook my head. “Nothing, mommy. I love you. Get some rest.”
She smiled before already nodding off. They had her on so many drugs I felt blessed to have even woken her. Pulling the blanket up, I kissed her goodbye.
I tried to drink in all the details because I knew this would bethe last memory I ever hadof her.
My mother had always worn pearls in her ears. Walking out of the room, pulling the hood of the jacket over my head to avoid looks from nurses and doctors, I worried that Carl wouldn’t have her buried in them.
Of course, I could have stayed and made sure that shewas buriedwell andproperly.Thathehad the perfect grave marker put in place for her.
But I just couldn’t.
I hadn’t taken the hood off my head for fear of being seen by someone who knew the brothers and Carl. Not until I’d entered the bus station later that night.The backpack on my shouldershadfelt heavy as if theweight of the worldwas hanging on them.In reality,it contained a load of cash, my social security card, and my birth certificate.
That’d been the only reason for me even being in the basement. My mother had put up important documents down there.
The secondthe ticket was printedand handed over to me, relief engulfed me like the waiting arms of an angel.
