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“Well, do you want to go to college, or maybe get a job? What do you want to do with your life?”
Lucy rolled her eyes. “You’re so naïve. You seriously think that either of us is going to be allowed to do anything we wanted to do? I’m sure my new brother-in-law is just looking for the right candidate to marry me off to next, and that will take care of the younger sister problem.”
A chill went through me at her confident words. “No. He wouldn’t. That was never on the table. He gave me his word he’d take care of you if I married him.”
“And Renato De Sanctis is the kind of man who keeps his word? Yeah, right.”
Renato’s confident voice spoke in my head.I always keep my word. Always. My word is my bond.
“That’s not going to happen, so just put it out of your head and think about what I asked. Do you want to study? Work? What do you want to do with your life?”
“What life?” Lucy exploded, whirling away from me.
She was so agitated, I wondered how she’d managed to keep it under control until now.
“We have no life. We died, and this is Hell.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be ridiculous. I did all of this so we could live.”
“Maybe I don’t want to live like this. Under the microscope of killers, waiting to see what they’ll do with us. No freedom. No space. No escape. That’s no life.”
“Life is what you make of it. Stop crying about the past; it’s gone. Focus on the future.”
“We have no future!” Lucy snapped, glaring daggers at me. “I can’t live like this.”
“You have no choice.” My tone sounded harsh, run ragged by the continued stress of the past week. “This is our reality, and we aren’t quitters, so get on with it.”
“That’s your advice? Just get on with it?”
“That’s what I’ve always done, isn’t it?Look after your sister, so I got on with it.Provide a roof and school and food for her, so I got on with it.Marry a mobster to keep us safe, so I got on with it.”
Slow, ironic clapping interrupted me. “Congratulations on being able to make yourself do horrible things.” Lucy’s eyes blazed with unshed tears. She was a ball of emotions, and I didn’t know how to help her.
I reached out for her arm, and she jerked away. I backed away and sighed. “I don’t have time for this right now. I’m taking a shower and getting on with my day.”
My sister stared at me for a long moment, as if she was disappointed at my response to her outburst, then shrugged. “Yes, wouldn’t want to keep the warden waiting.”
I couldn’t afford to get dragged into Lucy’s pity party. I was starving and needed a shower desperately. I could smell Renato all over me. I was sticky with his cum, and it made me feel debauched in a way I never had before. I left her there, stewing in anger and resentment. As time passed, it became harder and harder to communicate with her without fighting.
I hopped into the shower in my old room and washed as quickly as I could.
I shivered, running my hands over my body. Everything was so sensitive after his touch last night.
“You have nothing to feel ashamed of, little nurse. You’re my wife, before God and witnesses. Nothing we do together is wrong. Every time we touch, it’s holy, and nothing you think or feel can change that. My perfect, perfect wife.”
Just remembering the words – spoken as I’d come for the second time, my body stuck to his with sweat and both our cum – was enough to make me shudder. Those words perfectly fit the jigsaw of broken pieces inside me that had shattered during my childhood. That fact alone told me that my new husband did indeed see me, in all my repressed, tightly controlled glory.My perfect, perfect wife.
I headed downstairs, dressed in one of the borrowed leggings-and-sweater combos that Carmella had given me. At some point, I was going to have to get some new clothes.
The kitchen was crowded when I got there. Elio sat at the counter, and Sonny and Giada argued over the last bowl of some imported Italian cereal in the pantry.
Carmella turned a smile on me as I walked in. “Auguri.” This was the warmest she’d ever been with me. She pulled me into a hug. She was soft, like a cushion, and smelled of sugar cookies. I stayed longer in that embrace than was normal, but she didn’t say anything. She simply patted my hand when I finally leaned back.
“Thank you,” I murmured to her.
“Grazie. Thank you isgrazie,” she encouraged.
“Don’t tell me you’re going to start giving Charlie language lessons against her will now?” Sonny teased the elderly housekeeper.
