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I clench my jaw, the frustration from yesterday bubbling back up. “But how is that fair, Mrs. Carolyn? When I try to do something nice, something to show I care, I get pushed away. Isn’t that exactly what you do when you love someone? Show them you care?”
“Well, yes, dear. But sometimes, independence can be a tough wall to break through. She might feel like she’s burdening you, even when you’re just trying to help. You’re taking this to heart, but it might not be as big a deal as you think.”
“Not a big deal?” My voice rises, sharp and edged with a tinge of hurt. “I feel brushed off, and she doesn’t even notice. How can she not see that?”
Mrs. Carolyn extends her hand across the table, resting it on mine. "Tyler, relax, love. She’s not trying to hurt you. Maybe you two need to talk about it and have an honest conversation. When she brings Timmy back from the movie, clear the air. Explain how you feel.”
The words hang in the air, settling around me. I give a reluctant nod. Deep down, I know she’s right. “Yeah, I guess we need to talk. I’ll try to talk to her later on, I guess.”
Hours later, in the early afternoon, I'm back in rehab with Dr. Carmine. It's one of those days where everything feels like it's weighing a ton, especially the pain in my knee. Dr. Carmine is trying to get me through knee exercises, but I can barely focus. Each movement feels like a knife jabbing into my muscles.
Maybe because I'm not concentrating as much on what he's telling me since I'm so focused on my thoughts.
I'm still a bit peeved about last night with Sarah, and probably have a chip on my shoulder.
"Alright, Tyler. Let's try another set," Dr. Carmine says, calmly and professionally.
I grind my teeth, pushing through the pain once more before I throw my hands up. "I need a break, Dr. Carmine."
He checks his watch and looks up at me with raised eyebrows. "Tyler, this is your fifth break in the last fifteen minutes."
"If my knee hurts, I can do nothing about it. I need that break," I snap, frustration creeping into my tone.
Dr. Carmine lets out a sigh, backing off a bit. "Okay, you can take a brief break from the knee exercises." He oversees me, and after a few seconds of silence, he gently asks, "Is there something else going on, Tyler? You seem pretty worked up today."
I shake my head, trying to deflect. "No, nothing's going on."
He gives me a knowing look, and I feel the walls closing around me. Taking a deep breath, I decide to come clean. At least mostly. "It’s just... these past 48 hours haven't been great."
Dr. Carmine nods, encouraging me to continue. "How’s therapy been going?"
I sigh, looking away. "The sessions haven’t been as frequent. I’ve been giving Sarah more time with her other clients. We usually see each other during our off hours."
"Tyler," Dr. Carmine says, his voice firm but kind, "you need to prioritize therapy. You're dealing with a lot of emotional stress, not just physical pain. Keeping up with frequent therapy sessions will help."
He pauses, letting his words sink in before continuing. "It's fine that you and Sarah are connecting on a personal level but remember why you started seeing her in the first place. Your mental and emotional health is important, too."
I nod, taking in his advice. "You’re right, Dr. Carmine. I need to get back on track with therapy. But what if things become tense in our relationship? Won't that affect our professional one?"
Dr. Carmine mulls over my words before responding. I can tell he thought long and hard before saying what he would say next.
"It could be a possibility that it will happen, yes. But it depends on how well you separate the personal and professional. Is she only Sarah during your time together, or is she also Sarah in the professional setting? Do you view her as the woman you desire during therapy, and it's hard for you to see her as Dr. Marlene?"
I ponder on his words for a moment while rubbing my chin. "I believe I've done a good job keeping the roles separated. I'm her client on her couch in her office during therapy, and I'm the man who will do anything for her outside of office hours. But I guess I'm worried about the previous spat we've just had. If it's going to be harder to see her as my therapist during my therapy session."
"Then maybe you two need to cool the personal relationship for a while to ensure the professional one is on track."
From what he said, it feels like a rattlesnake got a hold of my shin with a nasty bite. I don't like the advice he just gave me because I still want Sarah, even if I am a bit miffed at her.
"But won't cooling the personal relationship cause issues in the professional?"
"Do you believe it will?" Dr. Carmine asks me, with a raised eyebrow. I nod my head while slightly feeling embarrassed to admit it out loud.
"Yes, I honestly do, and I think it'll be more on my end than hers. Sarah has been so patient with me. I'm sure she can be okay with the personal relationship taking a back seat for a while to focus on our professional one, but I know that I wouldn't be okay with it."
"Then you have to find a way for both relationships to co-exist so neither relationship suffers from the other one."
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to wrap my mind around Dr. Carmine’s advice. “I guess I’ll try,” I say reluctantly. The words taste bitter on my tongue, but I know he’s right. Somehow, I have to manage this balancing act between personal and professional.
