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When I returned to the Prize Pool, Lily placed a comforting hand on my arm and another on my back. She led me toward the communal bathroom.
“Come on, my dear. Let’s get you nice and warm and clean.”
Clean? I wondered how I could ever be clean again. The monster’s fingerprints would forever stain my soul. I’d never been a religious person but I began to wonder if this was some form of recompense for my bad behavior in the past. I couldn’t think of what I might have done to deserve this treatment though. Maybe I was a dictator in a past life or something?
Lily led me into the communal showers and into a small side room that she, as the madam, had exclusive use of.
When we got there, I found she’d drawn me a bath. It was a small tub and had been filled using a leaky wooden bucket that sat to one side. Steam billowed in soft plumes from the still surface. I looked forward to easing my aching bones in it.
“It was rough, wasn’t it?” Lily said.
I nodded but didn’t say a word. I feared if I did, tears would stream down my face. And Lily didn’t seem like the kind of person I should show weakness to.
“It’s always rough the first time,” she said.
She removed what remained of the torn garment from me and dropped it in a garbage can. Then she led me into the bath. I sank into it. I felt my muscles unfurl.
“Head back,” Lily said, and she began to wash my hair.
Ever since I arrived in this place, Lily had been strict. I was surprised, and more than a little suspicious, why she was being kind to me now.
“Where are you from?” I said.
“It doesn’t matter where I’m from,” she said. “The only thing that matters is that I’m here now.”
“Don’t you think you’re going to get out of here?” I said.
“No. And you shouldn’t waste your time thinking on such things either. You’re here and you’re not going anywhere. Trust me, things will go a lot easier if you accept you’re never escaping. I’ve been here much longer than anyone else and the reason I managed to survive this long is because I followed the rules and did as I was told.”
I looked Lily over. She was older than the other girls but not by much. The lines on her face were caused by hardship, not advanced years. She had a firm set to her jaw and a scowl I associated with her whenever one of us refused to follow the “rules.”
She picked up a sponge and dipped it in the water. She let it swell and then squeezed most of the water out before rubbing soap over it and scrubbing my back.
“You need to accept this situation,” she said. “The only way you’re going to survive is if you turn your weakness into strength. And the fighters’ strength into weakness.”
I had no idea what that meant.
“You will be light and bouncy, you will smile—and trust me, you have a beautiful smile—and you will pretend like you enjoy being here, enjoy servicing these aliens. You won’t. You will hate it every moment but there are some moments you can learn to enjoy if you’re smart. You will wear makeup, you will wear sexy dresses, and you will be everything they want you to be. You will boast confidence but you will not be obnoxious. You will be funny and never insulting. You will learn about each alien species in the prison and learn how to pleasure them. Each has their own preferences. Do this, and your time here, although it won’t be fun, it will be less scary. And I promise you, things will get easier.”
“I don’t want things to get easier. I want to get out of here.”
“I told you. That’s not going to happen.”
“Why me? Why did I have to be the one to get abducted and brought here? Why couldn’t they have taken someone else?”
“Those questions will play on your mind every minute of every day you’re here if you let them. My advice is to ignore them every time they come up.”
“What about you?” I said. “How did you end up here?”
“That breaks another rule. You do not ask about the past life of the other girls before they came here. It’s not fair. This is a place to forget, not to regret or relive.”
“But there must be a way out of here. There must be a way to escape.”
“You’re welcome to try but you will fail. Just as everyone else has failed. Even if you escape this place, there is nothing outside but an endless desert. The sun will bake your skin. The shade will freeze your bones. Forget escaping. The only escape you can do is in here.”
She tapped the side of her head.
“You will learn you can become anything in your mind. And nothing can harm you.”
