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He scratches his chin. “I don’t know, I’ve never really done anythin’ like that, but if you feel more comfortable…”
“I would.”
“Now?”
I shake my head. “I can’t tell you this.”
“I will never judge you, Bella,” he says. His eyes are earnest and I believe him. “You can tell me anything.”
I swallow hard.
I should not be doing this…
“I can’t go home because I faked my own death.”
A few moments pass by before his lips part. “Okay, so that wasn’t what I was expectin’ you to say, but now I’ve heard you say it, I have to wonder what the hell these people put you through to make you do that. Was it because of Leo and the marriage?”
“It’s a long story,” I admit. “One I might tell you someday in full, but for now, please understand that I’m not trying to be difficult or not wanting to take job opportunities, but if my family finds out I did this, they will kill me.”
He cups one side of my face. My heart races in my chest as I press my legs together. “Nobody is goin’ to hurt you, Bella.” His face is stoic and deadly serious. “Like I said before; you’re under my protection now, and that means you have the protection of the club, too.”
My heart hammers in my chest. It does feel better to have let him know that. Now he might understand why I’m not going crazy at the idea of being independent and stepping out on my own.
He also doesn’t push me to tell him more. Then again, it is far more intimidating than him facing me while I tell him one of my deepest, darkest secrets — as opposed to the confessional box. Not that I can tell him any real specifics about what my family do, but at least if he knows they’re not good people, he might get off my back for a while.
“I appreciate that,” I reply. “Even if I don’t really know what it means.”
“It means nobody can get to you. I promise you that. If I have to keep repeating it over and over I will: You are safe, Bella. I won’t let any harm come to you.”
I feel his words all the way down to my toes, even if doubt remains deep inside me.
He doesn’t know how this works.
He doesn’t know how betrayal works in a traditional family who regards rules like a testament from the Bible.
Still, I can live in this little bubble a while longer.
Even if I am deluding myself that there will ever be a happy ending for people like me, I’m still allowed to dream. Whatever happens from here, my dreams are free.
Nobody can take them.
It’s all I have left.
12
PRIEST
I toss and turn in my bed, trying to get some sleep. The more I try, the more restless I become. Tonight things changed.
Bella told me she faked her own death. What kind of fucked up shit is this?
Her arranged marriage was with a violent man who wanted nothing more than to control her, along with the fucked up shit she’s already told me about her family, and now she’s living on the streets — which doesn’t seem to be any worse off for her. Dead people can’t go home. I feel a sense of sadness in me that I haven’t felt in a long time. It’s not just the fact that I have a connection with Bella, but I feel the wrongdoings that have happened to her are deeply etched into my soul.
This is how it is for me when I feel a deep connection with someone, even a stranger. I take on the personal problems as my own, and I want to fix them.
I want to make it better. I want to show her that not everybody is a complete schmuck. That good people still exist. That they don’t always want something in return. Of course, I’m lying to myself when I say that, because there is something that I want. Something that I shouldn’t be thinking about because Bella is under my protection, and she’s someone I care about. Yet, I can’t deny that every time I touch her, it feels like my veins are burning. Like I can’t go another minute, unless my fingers can feel her soft, warm skin. And that isn’t right. Trust me, I wish I didn’t feel it.
I’m at a crossroad.
