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“Okay, speaking of our children, question four: What did Kelli say after giving birth to Diora? a) I’ve had worse constipation than that, b) If you could bottle that pain it would be a fool proof contraceptive, or c) I need a martini?”
Laughter filled the room and even though I didn’t remember saying any of those things, a rush of heat warmed my face and I was sure it now matched my dress and updated e-pad. I dipped my head and decided it was the martini answer, mostly because I could have done with one right at this moment.
This question got everyone talking and some of the women discussed what they had said after giving birth themselves. Elaine remarked that this was when she realised why her mother only had one child.
“Okay, settle down everyone. Ready for the answer?”
“No, I haven’t finished yet,” Marge Simpson said. “Give me a second.”
“Okay… one.” He winked at his mother and shrugged when she shot him a don’t be cheeky with me, young man look.
“The answer is b) If you could bottle that pain it would be a fool proof contraceptive.” Will grinned.
You’re kidding? Who knew I could come up with something witty like that, huh? It must have hurt real bad, thank God I didn’t really go through it.
“That’s a classic, Kelli,” one of Will’s brothers said. I couldn’t remember his name.
“Right-i-o, question five: What role did Kelli play in the parents and children’s school production of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs?”
Oh. Another one I didn’t know. But I bet the answer was Snow White, no, the Evil Queen – yes, I bet that’s right.
“I know that one!” Elaine piqued up, entering her answer into her e-pad screen. “We were backstage buddies.”
“I know that one too,” Diora said.
Will smiled and waited for everyone to enter their answer. “The answer is… Grumpy! Kelli played Grumpy, one of the seven dwarfs.”
No way! How could that be? It wasn’t fair! And I was far from dwarfed.
“I played the Evil Queen,” Diora said, looking the complete opposite in her pink fairy costume.
Yes of course. She would have been perfect at that. Not that she was evil, but she could definitely take control of any given situation.
“I was Sleepy,” Elaine said. “Which I played well because I was actually sleepy at the time.” She laughed.
“Question six, another multiple choice: What affliction did Kelli endure after our family ski trip last year? a) broken ribs, b) gastroenteritis, or c) a broken fingernail?”
Skiing? I’ve never been skiing before in my life. Probably the broken fingernail, it’s so annoying when that happens, especially when you’ve been growing them all to the same length and then you have to go and cut the rest to match the broken one. Or get acrylics and put up with the mask-mouthed nail technician going on about the injustice of health insurance companies not covering manicures, which kind of made sense when you thought about it. Nails were part of the human body after all, why should they be treated any differently to feet, or eyes, or even hair for that matter. Yes, hairdresser fees should be covered by health insurance too.
“They all sound unbearable to me,” Regina said, curling her fingers to examine her own fingernails.
“Time’s up. The answer is a) broken ribs. Poor Kelli bit off a little more than she could chew when she opted for the Daredevil ski challenge. She spent the next several weeks recovering and I tried to keep her from laughing, sneezing, or coughing, which considering she caught Ryan’s cold a week later made for a very difficult situation!”
“Yeah, it was a tough time,” I said, nodding and absorbing the looks of sympathy from my guests.
“Now something a little different… question seven: What did Kelli buy me for my fortieth birthday party?”
“C’mon, no multiple choice for that one?” someone called out.
“No, we’re getting to the tough end of the quiz now.”
“I know this one too!” Elaine busily typed up her answer.
What would I have bought my husband for his birthday? A watch? A subscription to Business Monthly magazine?
“A Man Spa salon pampering package, including a massage and facial!” Will revealed.
Yeah, that.
